In 2009, People from the film industry of Korea started a campaign called the Good Downloader. This campaign tries to enlighten people about copyright and encourages them to download creative productions such as music or movies legally by using the legal websites that pays the copyright holders. This movement should be spread to everybody, because we must protect copyright for economic, cultural, and ethical reasons.
First, illegal downloads damage the economy very much by causing a huge amount of loss of profit for the entertainment industry. According to the research taken in 2009, the market of videos and DVDs is decreased by 1/10 since 1999, and the filmmakers are hardly making any profit from the DVDs. As a result, the film industry in Korea lost around 660 billion won in 2009 alone. Because they cannot make enough money, so many workers in the entertainment industry are getting unemployed, which gives negative impact to the whole society. If we respect the copyright and pay those people what they should be paid, we can stop those situations.
Illegal downloads also have negative impact on the cultural aspect, because they discourage the producers from creating something new. Since they cannot make enough money as mentioned before, they will create only few types of things that are guaranteed to make at least some profits. For example, the movie industry will only make commercial films such as romantic comedies, horrors, or action films, and they will produce less artistic films, documentaries or films that criticize social problems. Moreover, many talented artists might stop producing because they cannot make any money out of it. For example, lots of cartoon makers in Korea changed their job because so many readers downloaded cartoons illegally from the internet instead of buying the comic books.
It is true that there is no incentive for the people to buy products legally. Why would you pay 10000 won to buy a CD, when you can download the music files so easily in the internet for free? However, if you have conscience, you should think differently. Imagine you are a filmmaker and you worked really hard to produce something. You put all of your passion into it, and you spent quite a big amount of time and money to produce your film. However, so many people are watching your film without paying you, and you are not getting enough reward for all of your effort. What feelings will you have in that situation? If you put yourself in someone else's shoes like this, you will be able to see how illegal download can hurt other's feelings.
Illegal download should be banned because it harms our economy, reduces the diversity of products we can enjoy, and shows disrespects to other people's effort and passion. There are many ways to download legally from the internet, so we should be good downloaders and use those legal websites to give enough reward to the producers.
1. What I like about this piece of writing is that you are using some actual figures from the result of some research. It empowers your argument.
ReplyDelete2. Your main point seems that illegal download should be banned becasue it harms the economy and the quality of entertainment products we can enjoy.
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful:
Words or lines:
according to the reaseach taken in~ : I think it is a very useful phrase to introduce some result of some research.
to give enough reward to the producers : It sums up your main reason to your main argument very well.
4. Some things aren't clear to me. These particular words or lines could be imporved.
However, if you have conscience, you should think differently.: I think this line is too much strong and could be insulting for some reasons. Someone could think like this " I download movies for free. Does that make me that bad enough to be heard "you have no conscience?" " . It is too much strong. I think you should tone down it.
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is
I think your third body paragraph is less persuasive. I know you are trying to appeal to the reader saying "Think in other's shose". However I cannot find it any more persuasive that other paragraphs. I am sorry to say that. However, you show brilliant ideas and supportibe reasons in your first two body paragraphs and suddenly lose your logic in third body paragraph. I think you could improve it. You can work more on it and find different reasons.
1. What I like about this piece of writing is that your hook is based on true story. It is more convincing and comprehensible for the Korean reader.
ReplyDelete2. Your main point seems that illegal downloads should be stopped for economic and cultural reasons.
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful:
-As a result, the film industry in Korea lost around 660 billion won in 2009 alone.
: This sentence struck me because the numerical figure definitely shows that illegal downloading is a huge economical loss.
-cartoon makers
: This word struck me because it shows the variety range of what can be illegally downloaded.
4. Some things aren't clear to me. These particular words or lines could be improved.
-It is true that there is no incentive for the people to buy products legally. Why would you pay
10000 won to buy a CD, when you can download the music files so easily in the internet for free?
: This sentence makes sense but there might be some people who disagree with it. There still are people who buy music CD even if they can download them free. It would be better if the sentence gives more explanation why people download illegally.
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement.
It would be better if you give some examples about the ways of good downloading. Your essay starts and ends talking about good downloading but there seems to be less information than the importance of the word. It would be more persuasive for readers if you gave some examples.