How do you relieve stresses? In these days, people are really stressful because they work more than ever before. The capitalism society is the society that pays people based on their work or abilities. Due to that mechanism, people should work hard to earn more money for their well-being. The excessive work raise people's anxiety. People should enjoy their free time and do a variety of leisure activities.
First of all, people who feel excessive stresses have many health proplems such as high blood pressure, heart diseases. When people are overwhelmed by their anxiety, their blood vessel shrinks. That causes circulatory disorders in the body. The circulatory problems lead to a more severe illness such as stroke. To alleviate this condition, people should be relaxed more often and enjoy their life.
In addition, some people might argue that there are people who enjoy their work and they don't feel any stress related to work. However, people are prone to hate doing thing excessively. Even athletics become stressful, when they exercise too much. For example, Andre Agassi, a famous tennis player, announced that he didn't like to play tennis because his father forced him to work hard and practice over and over.
Futhermore, the overtime work increases people's anxiety and makes them hate their work. That is the reason why people should work less and enjoy their freetime. When the balance between the working hour and the leisure time is proportional, people are likely to be pleased their life ,and their stress level will be decreased.
In conclusion, the work related stress is bad for both physical and mental aspects. People have become working overtime and have to sacrifice their leisure time. People should be aware of their anixety and make a plan to relieve the stress. Too much work will kill you. Also, too much free time will make you be lazy. Balanced life style will be sound.
Peer Feedback Sheet
ReplyDeleteTo: Jung Young Tae From: JiSoo Jung Assignment 6
1. What I like about this piece of writing is well-organized structure, full of good words and expressions. And also, there are many descriptions which help readers to understand the contents more easily. For example, body 1, I could understand it better.
2. Your main point seems that people need more leisure time and work less
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful:
1) mechanism : It is descriptive so I could understand contents more easily.
2) capitalism : It describes the current society well
I thought that there are really a lot of useful and good words, though I couldn’t pick them all, I was quite impressed after reading this paper.
4. Some things aren’t clear to me. These lines or parts could be improved (meaning not clear, supporting points missing, order seems mixed up, writing not lively):
1) The capitalism society is the society : Two society seems awkward for me, so I hope to delete one society and escape repetition.
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is
I think that body 2 and 3 are little bit similar, but I think that this paper is good and easy to follow.