Friday, May 31, 2013
Intermediate Writing
201103227 E. I. T
Jung Ji Soo
People are so called 'emotional animals'. It is true that people always have some kinds of emotions; sometimes they affect others to have same emotions with them and other times they are affected by others. Always we feel something. We can see others' emotions through their actions, body languages, faces and also through 'photographs'. Actually, photographs have been really important parts in our lives; because people can feel some emotions watching photos. In the book, there are two photos; one is 'Village School' by Margaret Bourke-White and the other is 'Children's Puppet Theater, Paris 1963' by Alfred Eisenstadt. Though there are children in each photo, the atmosphere they have is totally different.
The first photo, 'Village School', gives something dismal emotions to readers. When I saw this photo at first, I was little bit depressed and sad because of its own circumstance. There are only boys in the class and they are seated neatly. It can show us that the atmosphere of this class is rigid and it seems that they should follow strict rules in the class. The background is dark and only their heads are white. With this contrast, atmosphere becomes more serious and somber. And also what makes circumstance more depressing is children's faces and their facial expressions. When we look at their faces, we can feel that children are somewhat worried and horrified in the rigid isolated class room.
The second photo, 'Children's Puppet Theatre', shows us live emotions. Readers can smile when they look at this photo. Though there is no sound, we can feel children's inaudible voices and their sounds. Children's faces are also really funny points. Their facial expressions are really various and alive. Someone is yelling loudly, and some is surprised and someone is trying not to listen. With their various and vivid actions, we feel that we are also part of them. At the foreground, there are really lots of children trying to watch something. I thought that they are excited at something which we cannot see in the photo. The atmosphere seems more free and alive.
Through this paper, I introduced two photos which seem to have some similarities; children, but the atmospheres are totally different. One is serious and the other is vivid. They are very good examples which have a lot of contrasts. With these photos, I could also remember my school days. Some were bad but others were good memories regardless whether atmosphere were harsh or not.
To Jung Ji Soo From Se-Kyu Oh Assignment : Reaction writing
ReplyDelete1. What I like about this piece of writing is that the introduction paragraph has an interesting hook and good background sentences.
2. Your main point seems to be that we can find other people’s emotion through photos and that in the two pictures we find different emotions and feelings.
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful:
People are so called 'emotional animals': Interesting hook with mentioning a common wisdom.
4. Some things aren’t clear to me. These lines or parts could be improved (meaning not clear, supporting points missing, order seems mixed up, writing not lively):
1) Always we feel something: adverbs that describes frequency comes right before the verbs, I think.
2)~~parts in our lives; because people can feel -> I think the semicolon(;) works as a conjunction. Therefore, I think you don’t; need to write “because” in this sentence.
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is
It would be a perfect essay if you correct some basic grammar errors :)
To Jung Ji Soo From Eun Hye Jang
ReplyDelete1. what I like about this piece of writing is your eye- catching hook and rich words.
2.Your main point seems to be that when watching a photo, we can see other people's emotion.
3.Tese particular words or lines sturck me as powerful
As I mentioned above, I like your words choice.
Especially I like the word "dismal". I have not used that word. I always used "gloomy". Next time, I will try that word.
4.Some things aren't clear to me.
Nothing to me.
5.The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is
You need the third body paragraph.