Do you know it is illegal to download music from the internet? Most people know but they ignore about the fact because it is a common thing and they have hardly heard about a person who was arrested for such act. Although people know that it is illegal, people keep on downloading music illegally because they have free access to illegal downloads. However, we should stop downloading illegally as soon as possible because it is robbery and music industry may fall.
First of all, downloading and sharing music is same as robbery. Although Intellectual Property is not a tangible object, it is also considered as stealing. People don't feel guilt about it because there are more people who listen to music in an illegal way than a legal one. Also, downloading music from internet doesn't cost anything and requires much simpler process than that of legally downloading. For example, if we want to legally listen to an album of a certain artist, we should go to a record shop and buy it. However, if we get it illegally via internet, we can get an album in few buttons without cost.
In addition, music industry will eventually fall if we continuously download music illegally. In the past before the development of internet, people bought albums of artists when they wanted to listen to their music. So music industry was much more profitable than today. However, the internet started to reduce the profit of music industry and its loss from the illegal downloads are enormous. If we keep on downloading music without price, someday music industry will actually fall and we won't be able to listen to music as singers will stop releasing albums because it is not profitable.
In order to stop this illegal act, the police agencies should be more active in stopping the download and sharing of music. Even the police agencies tend to be passive in the online crimes because there are too many people involved in it. However, this kind of attitude of police towards the online crimes made current situation of prevalent illegal downloads. The police agencies should change their attitude and start to reduce the illegal download with some active involvement in online crimes.
To sum up, we should stop illegally downloading and sharing music off the internet because it is a kind of robbery and music industry may fall due to it. Not only people but also police agencies should change their thoughts about the illegal download to make better future.
To Minsoo Lee From Saewhan Park
ReplyDelete1. What I like about this piece of writing is that you begin your essay with an interesting question which invites me to read more. And the question is definitely related to the main topic.
2. Your main point seems to stop illegal downloading and sharing music off the Internet since it is robbery and the music industry can be affected in a negative say
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful:
"downloading and sharing music is same as robbery"
I thought it was a really powerful phrase since you attempt to make one of your main ideas very strong by comparing the illegal downloading with robbery.
4. Some things aren't clear to me. These lines or parts could be improved:
None.
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is that you can use less ly-verbs in your essay and also there are some grammatical mistakes you can easily fix.
To Minsoo Lee From Hannah Bae
ReplyDelete1. What I like about this piece of writing is you explained your thoughts in a simple and clear words.
2. Your main point seems to be stop illegal downloading to prevent the disappearnce of music industries.
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful:
"Also, downloading music from internet doesn't cost anything and requires much simpler process than that of legally downloading. "
In my essay, i argued about the importance of new websites where provide legal downloading at a reasonable price. I think you have some same points with mine. Ironically, illegal downloading is much easier than legal downloading. I feel it's really ridiculous.
"If we keep on downloading music without price, someday music industry will actually fall and we won't be able to listen to music as singers will stop releasing albums because it is not profitable."
It shows how illegal downloading will affect our lives lively.
4. Some things aren’t clear to me. These lines or parts could be improved (meaning not clear, supporting points missing, order seems mixed up, writing not lively):
None.
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is the third paragraph.
I felt like the third paragraph suddenly appeared. When i read the first sentence, i thought 'Did we talk about the police thing?'. I get your point and see what you want to say. However, i think there are a lack of connections between the second paragraph and the third paragraph. You were blaming the downloaders just before, and suddenly you turn your point on police. I suggest you add just one sentence such as, 'Not only the downloaders, but also police has a responsibility of this happening'.
1. What I like about this piece of writing is the hook and introduction. Starting with question and giving common fact to help the reader understanding the topic.
ReplyDelete2. Your main point seems to the download of the music on the internet cannot be justified as a legal act and police should force the law to the people who are engaged this act.
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful:
“Not only people but also police agencies should change their thoughts about the illegal download to make better future.” This line seems to be powerful, because it said the cooperation is important to improve this situation.
4. Some things aren't clear to me. These lines or parts could be improved:
Not that I know of.
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is using more variety of vocabulary and paraphrasing because when you use same vocabularies that gives impression that you have a limited range of vocabulary.
Do you know it is illegal to download music from the internet? Most people know but they ignore about the fact because it is a common thing and they have hardly heard about a person who was arrested for such act. Although people know that it is unlawful, people keep on downloading music because they have free access to illegal downloads. However, we should stop downloading illegally as soon as possible because it is robbery and music industry may fall.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, downloading and sharing music is same as robbery. Although Intellectual Property is not a tangible object, it is also considered as stealing. People don't feel guilt about it because there are more people who listen to music in an illegal way than a legal one. Also, downloading music from internet doesn't cost anything and requires much simpler process than that of legitimate downloads. For example, if we want to legally listen to an album of a certain artist, we should go to a record shop and buy it. However, if we get it illegally via internet, we can get an album in few buttons without cost.
In addition, music industry will eventually fall if we continue illegal music downloads. In the past before the development of internet, people bought albums of artists when they wanted to listen to their music. So music industry was much more profitable than today. However, the internet started to reduce the profit of music industry and its loss from the illegal downloads are enormous. If we keep on downloading music without price, someday music industry will actually fall and we won't be able to listen to music as singers will stop releasing albums because it is not profitable.
In order to stop this unlawful act, the police agencies should be more active in stopping the download and sharing of music. Even the police agencies tend to be passive in the online crimes because there are too many people involved in it. However, this kind of attitude of police towards the online crimes made current situation of prevalent illegal downloads. The police agencies should change their attitude and start to reduce the illegal download with some active involvement in online crimes.
To sum up, we should stop illegally downloading and sharing music off the internet because it is a kind of robbery and music industry may fall due to it. Not only people but also police agencies should change their thoughts about the illegal download to make better future.