The best fit for me
Many types of people work for many types of jobs according to their personalities and abilities. There are no better jobs and worse jobs. There is only this question: What kinds of jobs are the best fits for me? I cannot name the exact title of a job that I will probably have but I can say what kinds of jobs that will most fit me based on my abilities. A job that I will perform better than others will be a job requiring a lot of team workings.
The most important ability that makes me do well in team is the ability to lower my voice. I can kill my opinion very well if it is against the group. Although I have been only a year and a couple of months in university, I can make a long list of my murdered opinions. I withdraw my opinion as soon as I realize it is not the best for the team. What is more important is that I never feel bad for my opinion being unaccepted. I never make awkward atmosphere when my opinion is not accepted. I am really good at admitting that mines are not the best. I never fight with members of the team.
The second most important ability that makes me do well in team is that I am very responsible for tasks given to me. I am actually very lazy and far from being organized. However, once I get some works to do which will be the part of the team working, I turn to be very punctual and hard-working. If a work only involves myself, I actually do not put effort as much as I do if it involves a team, other people. I do my tasks as perfectly as I can because I really hate to be blamed for not having done work properly which lead to damaging the entire group.
The third most important ability that makes me do well in group is that I love working with people. I love helping each other and going forward together. I really feel achievement through accomplishing the shared goal for everyone. I am really not good at working alone. I like working in the environment where everyone support everyone else's work just by doing their own tasks. I find it very rewarding that my work becomes the part of everyone's completed result. It is better for me than when I do well and generate the better results only for myself.
I like to engage in a collaborative situation and work with people. Although sometimes I need to lower my voice and withdraw my opinion, it is fortunate that I do not really care about it. Also, I become quite responsible whenever I am given some work which is the part of a team working. All of these abilities of mine make me fit for working in team.
To An Youmi From Young-jun Yoo
ReplyDelete1. What I like about this piece of writing is that it is actually about yourself. It is good for you to know about your own strengths. Also, the essay is pretty well-organized. The topic sentences in the body paragraphs are clear, which makes readers catch the points easily.
2. Your main point seems to be that you’re good at teamwork because you can lower your voice, become responsible when it comes to teamwork, and love working with other people.
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful:
1) kill my opinion / my murdered opinions : they are impressive to me, but I’m not sure if there is such an expression as murdered opinion.
4. Some things aren’t clear to me. These lines or parts could be improved (meaning not clear, supporting points missing, order seems mixed up, writing not lively):
The thesis sentence at the end of the introduction is a bit vague.
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece is to give more strong statement in the conclusion part. And, it would be better if you focused on using proper idiom and expression and correct grammar. (e.g. What kinds of jobs are the best fits for me? -> What kinds of jobs are best fit for me? / feel achievement -> feel accomplished)
To: An Youmi From: Se-Kyu Oh
ReplyDelete1.What I like about this piece of writing is that the writer used question senetnece in introduction to make readers think about the topic and that the wrtier dealth with different job than others’.
2. Your main point seems to be that each job has different required personalites and skills and the qualities you have for your future job are humbleness, responosiblity, and love for coworkers.
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful: There are no better jobs and worse jobs
We know that all jobs are equal, but still we’re looking for a “better” job. This line made me think again about jobs.
4. Some things aren't clear to me. These lines or parts could be improved(meaning not clear, supporting points missing, order seems mixed up, writing not lively): Although I have been only a year and a couple of months in university -> How about “Althoug it has been only a year and a coupld of month in university” ?
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is: giving an example to show your good personality would make your essay perfect, I think :)
Many types of people work for many types of jobs according to their personalities and abilities. There are no better jobs and worse jobs. There is only this question: What kinds of jobs are best fit for me? Based on my three abilities, I think I will perform better when I work as a member of a team than working alone.
ReplyDeleteThe most important ability that makes me do well in team is the ability to lower my voice. I can kill my opinion very well if it is against the group. Although it has been only a year and a couple of months in university, I can make a long list of my murdered opinions. I withdraw my opinion as soon as I realize it is not the best for the team. What is more important is that I never feel bad for my opinion being unaccepted. I never make awkward atmosphere when my opinion is not accepted. I am really good at admitting that mines are not the best. I never fight with members of the team.
The second most important ability that makes me do well in team is that I am very responsible for tasks given to me. I am actually very lazy and far from being organized. However, once I get some works to do which will be the part of the team working, I turn to be very punctual and hard-working. If a work only involves myself, I actually do not work as hard as I do if it involves a team, other people. I usually submit my individual assignments as the deadline drew near. However, I finish my group assignments a day or two days before the deadline and continue to make sure it is my best. I do my tasks as perfectly as I can because I really hate to be blamed for not having done my work properly which will damage the entire group.
The third most important ability that makes me do well in group is that I love working with people. I love helping each other and going forward together. I really feel achievement through accomplishing the shared goal for everyone. I am really not good at working alone. I like working in the environment where everyone support everyone else's work just by doing their own tasks. I find it very rewarding that my work becomes the part of everyone's completed result. It is better for me than when I do well and generate the better results only for myself.
I like to engage in a collaborative situation and work with people. Although sometimes I need to lower my voice and withdraw my opinion, it is fortunate that I do not really care about it. Also, I become quite responsible whenever I am given some work which is the part of a team working. All of these abilities of mine make me fit for working in team.