First of all, there are many other ways to entertain oneself. For example, one can meet up with friends or spend time playing sports outdoors. Moreover, one can spend time reading or playing online games. Such hobbies can be excellent sources of entertainment.
Secondly, there are better ways to gain information. One can gain information from the Internet, which is one of the fastest ways of collecting information. Also, people can collect information from books, which involves more active thinking process than when gaining information from the fool box.
It is true that TV has become an important part of life. However, it is not true that it is absolute necessity, because there are many alternatives that can substitute TV while serving its original purpose as a means of entertainment and information.
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ReplyDeleteTo YunJeong Lee from Soyun Jeong
ReplyDelete1. What I like about this piece of writing is that you divided you writing into many paragraphs. It enabled the readers to follow the main ideas of each paragraph. I also liked the way you supported your main idea. You first talked about the roles of TV, than provided the reasons why those roles are not importat, which was very persuasive.
2. Your main point seems to be: TV is not necessary in our lives because there are many subsitutes for it.
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful:
'entertainment' and 'information', because this two words descirbed the role of TV in a very simple and clear way.
4. Some things aren’t clear to me. These lines or parts could be improved
I couldn't find any errors
5. . The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of wrting is
Well I think it is good enough as it is! :)
To YunJeong Lee from Youngjun Yoo
ReplyDelete1. What I like about this piece of writing is that by using 'first of all' and 'secondly', you made it easy for readers to read. Also, each body paragragh is related to and supports the main point well.
2. Your main point seems to be: We can dispense with TV because there are better alternatives.
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful:
'the fool box' - it says well about your opinion
'inseparable' - it expresses how much TV affects men
4. Some things aren't clear to me. These lines or parts could be improved :
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is