In the 'The Sun Also Rises' by Ernest Hemingway, a festival was core to the plot of the story. It is the festival of San Fermin which is held annually in the small city of Pamplona in Spain through on July the sixth to the 14th. Hundred thousand of people from all over the world gather by the noon of the July sixth to enjoy this fabulous festival. This world famous festival has a profound tradition and amusing events.
The festival is now full of attracting programs, but it mainly used to cherish a pilgrim of the Pamplona until the 17th century. The festival of San Fermin was meant to celebrate Saint Fermin, a priest who was beheaded in Amiens, France while preaching voyage. Every person in the festival wears a white T-shirts and a red scarf. The red scarf represents the blood, and meant to commemorate the beheaded priest. Although the festival changed its form but the original intend is quite well preserved.
The biggest event in the San Fermin festival is running of the bulls. It originates from tradition in which people lead the bulls to the bullring in the morning. It starts from eight in the morning of the second day of the festival. The running begins from Santo Domingo where the six bulls are kept in the hutch. From there, people steer bulls down through the narrow street to the Pamplona's bullring for about 825 meters. It only takes three minutes to end the bull running. This event is extremely dangerous that a lot of people get injured and some people even get killed. To reduce these accident people in Pamplona prepare fence to protect the spectators and medical team is standing by all the time.
Another event is called Riau-Riau which was a traditional program from 1914. It is a procession where city councils march from the city hall to Saint Fermin chapel. In this procession, the councils are meant to march slowly with a traditional music. Unfortunately, this parade is removed from the programs of the festival as its political issues. Some public activist used Riau-Riau to protest to the authorities and the councils were not able to finish the march so it became suspended since 1991. Although there were some attempts to revive the tradition, there was not much of success.
As one of the famous festivals in the world, San Fermin annually amuses a lot of people with its special programs. There are more programs besides the running of the bulls and the Riau-Riau. The committee of the festival is trying to add on new event that makes the festival more interesting and attracting. One of the examples would be holding a photograph contest engaging with the well known magazine, Play Boy. It is a festival that develops on its own based on its unique culture and it will still be one of the famous festivals in the future.
1. What ai like about this piece of writing is the introduction. By quoting the name of Ernest Heminigway, you made me more curious about next parts.
ReplyDelete2. Your main point seems to be the festival of San Fermin is amusing a lot of people by giving exciting events.
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful :
As I said above, Using the name of a novel was a good idea to make me concentrate on your writing.
Also you described the events vividly and gave me specific imformation on the events.
4. Some things aren't clear to me.
Some sentences in the fisrt body paragaph seems to belong to an introduction because they explains the background of that festival.
5 The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is the first body paragraph. If you wrote another event in the first body paragraph, it couldn't be better!
1. What I like about this piece of writing is : The first paragraph of this writing. It contains all of important components which is needed to organizing. And I really like your hook. You display the main topic not in the very first of the sentence but in the later. That makes reader interested in your writing.
ReplyDelete2. Your main point seems to be : San Fermin has a profound tradition and amusing events.
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful :
1)"From there, people steer bulls down through the narrow street to the Pamplona's bullring for about 825 meters."
: I can imagine the image of this moment easily. You describe the moment lively by using appropriate words and expressions.
2)"Some public activist used Riau-Riau to protest to the authorities and the councils were not able to finish the march so it became suspended since 1991. Although there were some attempts to revive the tradition, there was not much of success."
: As one of people who want to participate in this festival, I'm really sorry to read this. I want to watch the marching through my eyes but It may be hard....
4. Some things aren't clear to me.
1) "One of the examples would be holding a photograph contest engaging with the well known magazine, Play Boy."
: I could understand this sentence but it looks a little bit awkward to me. Because, 'example' already contains the meaning of consideration which city council want to take and possibility to be selected as one of programs. I think you don't need to use 'would be'. It feels like double meaning? just using verb like 'one of the examples is~' will be fine.
2) "It is a festival that develops on its own based on its unique culture and it will still be one of the famous festivals in the future."
: It is complicated to understand to me. It would be much better if you change the structure of the sentence to be simple.
5 The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is conclusion part. How about shifting the explanation about play boy to front part of the conclusion. I think for the last sentence, pleasure of people is much better than additional information.
*Things I have changed…..
ReplyDelete1) I put extra information about the San Fermin procession as there was an opinion that it would be better if first body paragraph explained about another event on the festival as other body paragraphs do.
2) I changed last sentence as there was someone who cannot clearly understand the meaning.
In the ‘The Sun Also Rises’ by Ernest Hemingway, a festival was core to the plot of the story. It is the festival of San Fermin which is held annually in the small city of Pamplona in Spain through on July the sixth to the 14th. Hundred thousand of people from all over the world gather by the noon of the July sixth to enjoy this fabulous festival. This world famous festival has a profound tradition and amusing events.
The festival is now full of attracting programs, but it mainly used to cherish a pilgrim of the Pamplona until the 17th century. The festival of San Fermin was meant to celebrate Saint Fermin, a priest who was beheaded in Amiens, France while preaching voyage. To commemorate him every person in the festival wears a white T-shirts and a red scarf representing blood. Then people join in San Fermin Procession where dancers and street entertainers, and different political and religious authorities march with the statue of Saint Fermin.
The biggest event in the San Fermin festival is running of the bulls. It originates from tradition in which people lead the bulls to the bullring in the morning. It starts from eight in the morning of the second day of the festival. The running begins from Santo Domingo where the six bulls are kept in the hutch. From there, people steer bulls down through the narrow street to the Pamplona’s bullring for about 825 meters. It only takes three minutes to end the bull running. This event is extremely dangerous that a lot of people get injured and some people even get killed. To reduce these accident people in Pamplona prepare fence to protect the spectators and medical team is standing by all the time.
Another event is called Riau-Riau which was a traditional program from 1914. It is a procession where city councils march from the city hall to Saint Fermin chapel. In this procession, the councils are meant to march slowly with a traditional music. Unfortunately, this parade is removed from the programs of the festival as its political issues. Some public activist used Riau-Riau to protest to the authorities and the councils were not able to finish the march so it became suspended since 1991. Although there were some attempts to revive the tradition, there was not much of success.
As one of the famous festivals in the world, San Fermin annually amuses a lot of people with its special programs. There are more programs besides the running of the bulls and the Riau-Riau. The committee of the festival is trying to add on new event that makes the festival more interesting and attracting. One of the examples would be holding a photograph contest engaging with the well known magazine, Play Boy. It is a festival which contains numerous programs that every single person in the world can enjoy and still on its way to developing more programs.
*Things I have changed…..
ReplyDelete1) I put extra information about the San Fermin procession as there was an opinion that it would be better if first body paragraph explained about another event on the festival as other body paragraphs do.
2) I changed last sentence as there was someone who cannot clearly understand the meaning.
3) I gave little bit of change in the order of the paragraphs to make sure my writing be closer to a process analysis form
In the ‘The Sun Also Rises’ by Ernest Hemingway, a festival was core to the plot of the story. It is the festival of San Fermin which is held annually in the small city of Pamplona in Spain through on July the sixth to the 14th. Hundred thousand of people from all over the world gather by the noon of the July sixth to enjoy this fabulous festival. This world famous festival has a profound tradition and amusing events.
On the first day of the festival, an event is called Riau-Riau happens. It is a procession where city councils march from the city hall to Saint Fermin chapel. In this procession, the councils are meant to march slowly with a traditional music. Unfortunately, this parade is removed from the programs of the festival as its political issues. Some public activist used Riau-Riau to protest to the authorities and the councils were not able to finish the march so it became suspended since 1991. Although there were some attempts to revive the tradition, there was not much of success.
Then on the second day the biggest event in the San Fermin festival, the running of the bulls is held. It starts from eight o’clock in the morning. It originates from tradition in which people lead the bulls to the bullring in the morning. The running begins from Santo Domingo where the six bulls are kept in the hutch. From there, people steer bulls down through the narrow street to the Pamplona’s bullring for about 825 meters. It only takes three minutes to end the bull running. This event is extremely dangerous that a lot of people get injured and some people even get killed. To reduce these accident people in Pamplona prepare fence to protect the spectators and medical team is standing by all the time.
After the running of the bulls, a program that contains the original meaning of the festival takes place. Although the festival is now full of attracting programs, but it mainly used to cherish a pilgrim of the Pamplona until the 17th century. The festival of San Fermin was meant to celebrate Saint Fermin, a priest who was beheaded in Amiens, France while preaching voyage. To commemorate him every person in the festival wears a white T-shirts and a red scarf representing blood. Then people join in San Fermin Procession where dancers and street entertainers, and different political and religious authorities march with the statue of Saint Fermin
As one of the famous festivals in the world, San Fermin annually amuses a lot of people with its special programs. There are more programs besides the running of the bulls and the Riau-Riau. The committee of the festival is trying to add on new event that makes the festival more interesting and attracting. One of the examples would be holding a photograph contest engaging with the well known magazine, Play Boy. It is a festival which contains numerous programs that every single person in the world can enjoy and still on its way to developing more programs.