These days, people watch TV more than they need and some are addicted to it. They allow it to run them instead of controlling and watching it selectively.
Despite this side effect it gives,I think there are cases that are so hard to be replaced.
First, TV does a great job in disseminating knowledge.
There are a lot of programs that are taken with a lot of time and sources by experts.
I think most of you have watched them dealing with subjects you are interested in or you need to know and got some information.
If we were to get the same amout of knowledge, we would spend more time than just watching the programs and learning from them.
In addition, TV is powerful material in delivering news all over the world.
It provides visual materials so it can be more vivid and give more sense of realism than newspaper or radio. It also performs an important role in delivering breaking news.
And it leads us to be prepared in changing society.
Therefore the world without TV would be inefficient and hard to adapt to and I think we could not do without it.
To Kim Bosung, from Hyejeong Yu. Assignment: TV, could you do without it?
ReplyDelete1. What I like about this piece of writing as it is well organized, first paragraph revealing the main point and others supporting it. It is easy for me to get the big picture of relationship between the main point and the supporting ideas.
2. Your main point seems to be TV is hard to be replaced although it has side effects.
3. First, TV does a great job in disseminating knowledge: This sentence uses quite a sophisticate word 'disseminate' I think it plays an important role to make your writing more academic.
4. It also performs an important role in delivering breaking news: The meaning is not clear to me because I do not see how TV does that. It would be clear if you give the reader an explanation how TV plays critical role in delivering news. May be something like ‘TV is important in delivering breaking news as it can deliver to a lot of people in real-time’ could make it more clearly.
5. The last paragraph is little bit confusing because the supporting points are not clearly backing up the topic sentence. I think if you organize the last paragraph in a way that shows the idea how TV is powerful material in delivering news all over the world; it would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing.
To: Kim Bosung From: Yun Jeong Lee
ReplyDelete1. The structure of the essay is very clear. I can tell at once which paragraph is the introductory paragraph, body paragraph, and concluding paragraph.
2. The major point of this essay is that TV is useful and therefore, we need TV.
3. “First, TV does a great job~” and “In addition, TV is a powerful material in~”-These two parts make it clear the transition from one idea or paragraph to another. It makes it easier for the reader to follow the major arguments of the essay.
4. i)“they allow it to run them”-This part is unclear. ‘It’ seems to refer to ‘TV’, but it isn’t clear what ‘they’ refers to.
ii) “I think there are cases that are so hard to be replaced.”-It is unclear what you mean by ‘cases that are so hard to be replaced’. Do you mean that it is difficult to replace TV with other things?
5. If the concluding paragraph was a little bit longer, it would have made the essay balanced over all. I think it would be a good idea to sum up the arguments of the whole essay in the last paragraph as a conclusion.
-Yun Jeong Lee