TV: Can You Do Without It?
201203187
Soyun Jeong
I am not a huge fan of TV. Although I enjoy watching TV shows, I can live without watching them for weeks or even months with no problem. However, I still say I cannot do without TV in my life, because it connects me with some of my favorite things, such as sports, music, and travelling.
TV enables me to watch sport events held on the other side of the planet at the same time as it is happening. Therefore, I can watch Yuna Kim's competition, and be thrilled at her every jump. It also broadcasts live performances of great musicians. Because of that, I can enjoy performances of Bigbang, my favorite k-pop band. Lastly, some TV documentaries show foreign countries that are not widely known. Watching those programs, I can learn about other countries and their culture without actually travelling there. In other words, TV enables me to experience so many things that I love.
I don't watch TV often, but when I do, I can indirectly experience so many things including sports, music, and travelling. Since I cannot live without those things, I also cannot live without TV.
To: Soyun Jeong /From: Hannah Bae/ Assignment:TV
ReplyDelete1. What i like about this piece of writing is showing the reasons by personal experiences. That showed how TV's playing its role in real life.
2. Your main point seems to be the 2nd sentence.'However, I still say I cannot do without TV in my life, because it connects me with some of my favorite things, such as sports, music, and travelling.' It contains all the information you would talk later and strongly shows where you stand for.
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful:
1) I am not a huge fan of TV : It caught my attention as soon as i read it. It made me to think what's going next and keep my eye on yours.
2) I can indirectly experience so many things including~ : I love this expression 'indirectly'. It shows the depth of enjoyment we can feel with watching TV.
4. Some things aren't clear to me. These lines or parts could be improved(meaning not clear, supporting points missing, order seems mixed up, writing not lively)
: It's just a little thing but if you added a concluding conjunctions such as 'in conclusion, in summary' in front of the last paragraph, it would be great.
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest imrpovement in this piece of writing is adding some information. Personal experiences are good, however, it cannot gain full reliablity, i think. If you mentioned not just your case, talked about TV's role in other's lives such as for communication, it would be more reliable.
1. What I like about this piece of writing is giving concrete examples.
ReplyDelete2. Your main point seems to be the 2nd sentence. 'However, I still say I cannot do without TV in my life, because it connects me with some of my favorite things, such as sports, music, and travelling.' It summarize thing that you will show in the body paragraph.
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful:
1) I am not a huge fan of TV : It is good hooking for me using negation to grab my attention.
2) Yuna Kim and Bigbang: using easy example.
4. Some things aren't clear to me. These lines or parts could be improved(meaning not clear, supporting points missing, order seems mixed up, writing not lively):
“I don't watch TV often” this sentence doesn’t need for the conclusion.
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is Using too many “I” seems to be unprofessional or too personal things.