TV: Could you do without it?
A few years ago, there was a TV show on the EBS (Education Broadcasting System) channel and it was about conducting various experiments including scientific experiment or social ones. I used to watch the show and one day, they did an experiment about TVs. Staff members visited a small village and asked the residents if they could live without TVs at all for a couple of weeks for the research the show was doing. The result was quite fresh so still I remember. For the first few days, people in town felt awkward and they idled their evening away, not knowing what to do instead of watching TVs. However, after a few days, they began to get used to it and found another ways to spend their time. Some started to have more conversations with their families and others read more books or newspapers. Some even said they pray more.
After watching the show, I asked myself "Is TVs necessary for me? Is it the only way I can spend my time?" and after then, I tried to spend less time on watching TVs because I knew there are other options for me to choose. Now, I watch TVs for less than two hours a week; I watch just one variety show and if I find another thing to do instead of watching that show, I'm sure that I'll not watch TVs at all. In conclusion, yes, I can live without TVs.
To : Se-Kyu Oh, From : Yang, Myong-Hwa
ReplyDelete1. My favorite part in your essay is the introduction. By explaining a TV show briefly that you had watched before, it drew attention from me.
2. Your main point seems to be that you can live without TV, reducing the amount of time with it.
3. 'a TV show on EBS and Is TVs necessary for me?' are the particular words or lines that struck me as powerful.
- a TV show on EBS : I have watched a TV show that had a similar format on the other TV station. So when I read this part, I realized the same research had been done before.
- Is TV necessary for me? : I also asked myself that question after watching a TV show.
4. In your essay, one thing isn't clear to me. You wrote you would spend less time on watching with other options to choose. What options do you have to avoid wasting time in front of TV? You'd better show the examples of it.
5. The one change I could make in this essay is the last part including your conclusion. I would make another paragraph after separating the concluding sentence from the body one and write more sentences to support the conclusion.
To. Se Kyu Oh From, Shim Hae Bin
ReplyDelete1. I like introduction part. Because I watched the same EBS program, I wondered ‘is he saying the same program I saw?’. And it was easy to predict what you’re going to say.
2. Your main point is ‘I can live without TV.’
3. I said me watched the same program you wrote. To me, its conclusion wasn’t that appealing. so, ‘The result was quite fresh so still I remember’ made me curious about what you’re going to say because that wasn’t any ‘quite fresh’ to me in what I remember.
4. ‘Now, I watch TVs for less than two hours a week’ , ‘I'm sure that I'll not watch TVs at all.’
Those lines aren’t clear to me. How can you say that certainly you can live without it even if you watch the TV program regularly?
5. In the same content with answer 4, I will erase ‘Now, I watch TVs for less than two hours a week’ because it doesn’t match with your idea ‘I’m sure I don’t need TV’!