Do you own TV at home? How many hours do you spend watching it a day? Most people watch television for several hours every day for news, information, entertainment and so on. So, it influences us in many ways. Then, what would happen if TV disappeared? Perhaps, people would not do well, at least at first. It has become too a big part of our lives for us to live without it.
I once read an article about one experiment conducted by EBS channel. The experiment was about how residents of one island did without TV for a week. And, the island has high dependence on the television because it is a remote island and has nothing else to do. In the process, the inhabitants managed to pass the first two days without it. But, as time went by, they started to realize that they could not live without it. They tried to watch TV behind the camera crew's back, became restless and behaved aggressively at last.
It is not likely that we could do without TV anytime soon. If we should keep living with it, we better improve the quality of the programs so that it affects us and the future generation in a positive way.
1. What I like about this piece of writing is structure, clear example, and hooking the audience.
ReplyDelete2. Your main point seems to be the 7th sentence. “It has become too a big part of our lives for us to live without it.” It shows his argument for this essay.
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful:
1) Three of rhetorical questions are strong or intriguing to keep reading this essay.
2) The experiment conducted by EBS makes me feel assuring.
4. Some things aren't clear to me. These lines or parts could be improved(meaning not clear, supporting points missing, order seems mixed up, writing not lively):
“It is not likely that we could do without TV anytime soon.” This sentence gives me what’s his point. Perhaps, this seems to tone down his argument in a bad way.
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is nothing that I know of.
To: Youngjun Yoo From:Yun Jeong Lee
ReplyDelete1. I like how the essay starts with an attention grabbing hook. It really catches the readers’ attention and gives the reader a chance to think about the issue and topic of the essay before reading the essay.
2. The main point of the essay seems to be that it is difficult to do without TV in the near future.
3. “It is not likely that we could do without TV anytime soon.”-I like this sentence because it sums up the whole essay and makes the point of the essay clear to the readers.
4. “Perhaps, we would not do well, at least at first.”-It is not clear what ‘we would not do well’ means. Also, ‘at least at first’ makes the whole point of the essay because it seems to suggests that we would eventually be able to do without TV in the end.
5. I think if the essay had stronger evidence to support the writer’s argument, the essay could be improved. The only evidence in this essay is the example of the experiment conducted by EBS. If there was one or two more examples, the point of the essay would have been clearer.
-Yun Jeong Lee