Television is a recent invention that has taken over the lives of many people in only a few decades. However, I believe that the world will be able to continue without televisions dominating people's lives. I believe so for two reasons: the roles of TV can be substituted with other means of communication, and the time spent on TVs can be used for more worthwhile activities.
To begin with, most decide to sit in front of the TV because there is a certain information or entertainment that they want. Whatever the motive is, what TV does can easily be done by other media such as computer or radio. Thus, even if TV suddenly disappears, it won't affect the fact that the flow of the information will still continue, though it might be more difficult.
Moreover, TVs are even seen negative by some people as it consumes too much time. Nowadays, when kids come back from school, they sit in front of TV until the dinner time. This is different from the days when TVs weren't as universal and kids always hung out at a park. If TVs are not available anymore, people will be able to use the time formerly spent on TV for more productive activities.
To : (Minyoung Kang) From: (Jung Ji Soo) Assignment (1-2)
ReplyDelete1. What I like about this piece of writing is (that you give your own opinion with very clear and simple structure which everyone can understand. Especially I’m really satisfied with your introduction. It seems that everything needed in the introduction is included in your writing.)
2. Your main point seems to be (people can do without TV using other alternatives and also spending their time more meaningfully with activities.)
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful:
(1)Recent invention : When I first read it, I was little bit shocked at this point. Because it seems that you are really good at writing and professional. This short word gives really good impression to me.
(2)Dominating people’s lives : This sentence can support your idea more powerfully and persuade others more easily, because it gives strong and long impaction to others.
(3)Productive activities : I think that these words are also supporting your ideas clearly. Though I’m against your opinion, your words and lines strongly persuade me.
4. Some things aren’t clear to me. These lines or parts could be improved (meaning not clear, supporting points missing, order seems mixed up, writing not lively):
(1)Conclusion part : I think that if you add your conclusion in writing, it would be really better than now and become really perfect one. Because there is no conclusion, it seems little bit unstable.
(2)Thus, even if TV suddenly disappears, it won't affect the fact that the flow of the information will still continue, though it might be more difficult. :
In my personal opinion, this sentence is too extreme. Because, I think that ‘disappear’ is not really realistic in our lives. How about changing word?
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is (the conclusion part. It would be much better to have conclusion in the writing. And also I would only edit a tiny part of the writing, because some sentences are too progressive, there is higher possibility that others can oppose your idea.)
To: Yumi AN From: SaeWhan PARK Assignment:TV: could you do without it?
ReplyDelete1. What I like about this piece of writing is that you divided some paragraphs according to your main ideas. It looks organized to read and easy to follow.
2. Your main point seems to be that you can do without TV as it can be replaced by some other means and also you prefer to spend time on more worthwhile activities than watching TV.
3. I liked it when you said "the flow of information." I liked it because I read it somewhere else that in the 21st century, the one distinctive feature of the global world would be the free flow of information. And I totally agree with you.
4. You said TV has taken over the lives of many people, but it was not quite clear to me. I think it would have been much better if you had used other expressions or verbs.
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is to include conclusion at the end of your writing. Ideas were so organized and clear, but you have no conclusive paragraph that summarize your points or so.