| 201104213 / Jang Eun hye / 3.12 11a.m.
TV has been an integral part of my life. It provides novel stories which I have never heard of in my culture, politics which sometimes makes me upset or relieved, entertainment programs like 무한도전, which have me forget the toughest day, and so forth. Where else can I get these things more quickly, easily, and cheaply than on TV? It is the most useful tool which connects me with the world which otherwise I would never know about. Of course anything that goes too much is poisonous. Also it is the case that TV encourages addiction. It is, if any problem, the degree to which I watch TV and if it is under my control. As far as I don't get obsessed with TV, It could be my teacher and friend. TV has a lot of ideas to choose from by my choice. Could I do without TV? I don't want and need to do without it.
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Wednesday, March 13, 2013
TV : Could you do without it?
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To : (Jang Eun Hye) From: (Jung Ji Soo) Assignment (1-1)
ReplyDelete1. What I like about this piece of writing is (that you give your own idea with very well-organized reasons such as giving many examples in the introduction. And also you give a lot of clear sentences, so I was satisfied with them.)
2. Your main point seems to be (you cannot do without TV. And TV could be really helpful and useful in our lives.)
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful:
(1)integral : I thought that this word is really impressive and it is really helpful to impact your own idea.
(2)Connects me with the word : I think that by giving this sentence readers can catch your idea more easily with strong impact. I love this sentence.
(3)As far as I don’t get obsessed with TV : You give not only good points of TV, but also give bad condition, and I thought that this line expresses your idea clearly.
4. Some things aren’t clear to me. These lines or parts could be improved (meaning not clear, supporting points missing, order seems mixed up, writing not lively):
(1)무한도전 : I think that it would be better to explain this program in English, not Korean. Because I though that it blocks the sentence’s flow.
(2)Introduction Part : It seems little bit long compared to body paragraph and conclusion. How about reorganize the structure?
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is (the introduction part. Because it seems little bit long in this kind of writing. So If I were in this case, I would erase some sentences in the introduction part and move them to the body paragraph balancing the whole structure of this writing.)
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ReplyDeleteTo : Jang, Eun-hye. From : Yang, Myong-hwa
ReplyDelete1. What I like about this piece of writing is to tell about various positive points of TV. I think of TV as a negative thing, so it was interesting.
2. Your main point seems to be that you can't live without TV because it makes our lives convenient and it's so useful.
3. '무한도전 (Unlimited Challenge), connects me with the world, and addiction' are struck me as powerful.
- 무한도전 : The word 무한도전 drew my attention first because that is one of a few TV programs that I watch regularly.
- connects me with the world : I agree to this opinion. We can look around the world without moving in person.
- addiction : As you know, addiction is the bad side of TV. By using this word, you couldn't be one-sided.
4. Some things aren't clear to me as below.
- don't get obsessed with TV : You'd better give me the ways to avoid obsession.
- the degree to with I watch TV : It doesn't show how much degree is acceptable.
5. The one change I could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is the arrangement of sentences. If you arranged the sentences neatly without empty line, it would look much better.