Although it is not a national holiday, valentine day is considered to be very important for young generation. The exact date of valentines is February 14th and it is annual celebration of lovers. On the valentine day female give chocolate to male and express her love. It doesn't matter whether you have a lover or not. If you don't have a lover, you can just give chocolate to close friend of yours to show how much you care about them.
To begin with, you need to start with getting some chocolates. Every year when valentine day comes, shops are full of chocolates which are beautifully packed. You can just buy one of them and give it to your lover or friends. However, some people make their own chocolate to show their love. Handmade chocolates are not that tasty or good looking as chocolates that are sold but we can truly feel the love of the maker.
Once you have prepared beautifully packed chocolate, ask your lover on a date. It is better for you to search uncrowded place because if there are too much people, it will be hard to express your love. For instance, park will be nice place to give your chocolate and you love to your lover.
Finally, meet the person that you love. You need to be courageous and be ready to express you love. It will be hard to express your love but you need to do it before other people express their love to you lover. If your lover accepts your love, then start lovely days with your partner from valentine day onwards.
Expressing love to someone is not an easy thing. But with the help of valentine day, females get more courage and express their love. The true purpose of valentine day is to make relationship more intimate. You can start a relationship with someone or make your relationship with someone even closer. It doesn't matter whether it is official national day or not. Valentine day is meaningful day for numerous people.
To: Min Soo Lee From: Ji Soo Jung (201103227)
ReplyDelete1. I think that the thesis statement is this: On the valentine day female give chocolate to male and express her love.
2. There is a backgroung information showing when it is held and what to do on this special day. The sentence that I think is this: On the valentine day female give chocolate to male and express her love.
3. Yes, the contents are well organized and each paragraph presents a differenct part of the process.
4. I think that the process is logical, and I found some transitional words; To begin with and finally.
5. The writing is well organized with a lot of details. However the only thing that I hope him to change is the word 'lover'. Because I learned that it is unappropriate word for girl friend or boy friend.
6. It seems that he gives his opinion on expressing one's love to other with evaluation.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteTo Min soo Lee From Chaemin Lim
Delete1. What I like about this piece of writing is that your idea is interesting. Valentine day is not that important for normal people but it is quite popular among young people.
2. Your main point seems to be that Valentine day is meaningful day for numerous people because it helps them to make a better relationship with whom they love.
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful is "It will be hard to express your love but you need to do it before other people express their love to you lover." This is very important point for someone who are preparing for propose. To get love from woman, personally I think that the most important thing is expressing how much I love her. So, that sentence is pointing out the key point.
4. Some things aren't clear to me. These lines or parts could be improved:
Firstly, Your writing seemed to have no hook. Even though it has background information but the first sentence does not seem to attract readers.
Secondly, there are some grammar errors in your writing. For example, be "ready to express you love." and "you can just give chocolate to close friend of yours to show how much you care about them.". You should have written your love and friends or about him/her.
Thirdly, Some sentences doesn't support your topic sentence. they are not connected to each other properly.
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is
I think, If you put a hook and well-supporting sentences into your writing, It looks better!