Originally, there was Mother's day in Korea, instead of Parents' day. From the year of 1956, Mother's day had been celebrated for 17 years. Starting the next year, the name has been changed into Parents' day. The aim for the day is to not only develop the traditional family system but also encourage exemplary families and great parents.
The origin of Parents' day came from America. In 1910's, one American female shared a white carnation to their believers at the church in memory of her mother. Afterwards, Thomas Woodrow Wilson, the 28th American president, set Mother's day as every second Sunday of May. And, this custom finally has been spread over Korea.
Also in Korea, like American Mother's day, children could put a red carnation on parents or grandparents to express appreciation for their devoted care. At the national level, the government, especially Ministry for Health, Welfare and Family Affairs, award people who are chosen as good sons or daughters.
According to the recent survey, 54% of the respondents said it's supposed to be a holiday. Some lawmakers have tried to make the day as a national holiday, and one presidential candidate promised to do so during the campaign last year. Unless there are some unexpected problems, it may not take a long time to reach an agreement.
Sorry, Professor. I put my name WRONG. Park Shin-Yong -> Park Shin-Young
ReplyDeleteTo Shin Young PARK From SaeWhan PARK/ Assignment 2
ReplyDelete1. What I like about this piece of writing is that you have clearly divided 5 paragraphs according to your thesis statement.
2. Your main point seems to be the origin of parents' day and your further suggestion that it should be a holiday.
3. The word that struck me powerful was "survey." When I wrote my own essay, I didn't think of using survey data, but it seems that your essay looks more plausible with the actual data.
4. You said some unexpected problems, but it wasn't quite clear to me.
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is to support your idea of making Parents' day a national holiday. Your essay sounds like you support this idea, but it lacks supporting opinions.
To Park Shin-Young From Minyoung Kang
ReplyDelete1. What I like about this piece of writing is that it is very detailed. It lists the history, meaning and the tradition of the Parents day, and it felt like you knew a lot about what you were trying to convey.
2. Your main point seems to be Parents day, and what people do on the day.
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful:
(1) appreciation for their devoted care: I thought this phrase summed up the meaning of having a parents day clearly.
4. Some things aren't clear to me. These lines or parts could be improved:
(1) Half of your essay is about parents day(mother’s day) in America. I think it would be much better if you centered your essay on the Parents day in Korea, which is supposed to be the main topic.
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is to make the introduction and conclusion more general. The first impression I got upon seeing the intro was the writer might talk about why the Parents day isn’t listed as one of the national holidays. However, the body paragraph covered general knowledge about Parents day, so I thought the relevance between the intro and the body paragraphs were a little weak. Also, the conclusion was too specific, including the statistics which could have been added to the body paragraph. Overall, it was a good essay