201201914 EIT An yumi
We Need TV
TV's place in modern society is still secure although TV is certainly beginning to lose its function. With emergence of diverse digital gadgets such as, PC, smart phones or tablets, we are more likely to play with them rather than TV in order to get amused or informed. Especially, countries with strong nationwide wireless network, users can always enjoy a variety of contents anytime and anywhere through these cutting-edge gadgets. We, however, still need TV. TV is apparently one of the most widely available broadcasting media that can directly contact almost all social members. It means TV is the most effective and strongest social vehicle for news which is needed to be known by all generations. Moreover, because of its prevalence, TV is the most low-cost broadcasting platform. If TV disappears all of a sudden we could do what we have done somehow. We will, however, soon be in a need of broadcasting media operating in the way of TV to cover a wide area simultaneously with no pause or delay. In conclusion, other digital gadgets can share TVs' role, but not completely replace TV.
To: An yumi From: Hannah Bae Assignment:TV
ReplyDelete1.What i like about this piece of writing is pointing out the current information flow. You mentioned exactly how people's changing and how much TV has impact on us.
2. Your main point seems to be 'TV's place in modern society is still secure although TV is certainly beginning to lose its function.'. I really like this sentence because it contains all the things you want to say in this essay and it's very storng and evident.
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful:
1)these cutting-edge gadgets: I haven't seen these words before, in fact. So it struck me.
2)that can directly contact almost all social members. : I was wondering what's the difference beetween TV and other mass media. You pointed out it definitely.
3) It means TV is the most effective and strongest social vehicle for news which is needed to be known by all generations. : You are very good at arguing something by efficient supporting details. Every sentence including this one feels so strong and soon I find myself nodding with you:)
4. Some things aren't clear to me. These lines or parts could be improved(meaning not clear, supporting points missing, order seems mixed up, writing not lively):
no pause or delay: I couldn't find out what this means. You know, when watching TV there are lots of ads and we should just sit around and watch it till the program which we want starts. I think the ads are kind of pause and delay but it looks like you don't think so. If you meant the daly caused by bad 3G environment, i agree and see your point.
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest imrpovement in this piece of writing is:
I know it's short and just a piece of writing but if you divided it into two prats, it would be easier to recognize. If i were you, i would seperate it where the 6th sentence begins. 'TV is apprently~'. Then it would be clear to see where's the introduction and where's the body paragraph. It may be great if you added some figures from news. If there were the exact decreasing number of watching TV, it would be more trustful.
To An Yumi From Youngjun Yoo
ReplyDelete1. What I like about this piece of writing is that you start with advantages of other gadgets that might substitute TV, but then explain why, in spite of that, TV is irreplaceable, which makes your point stronger.
2. Your main point seems to be: TV cannot be replaced.
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful:
'TV is the most low-cost broadcasting platform' - I have not thought of TV that way. If that's true, TV is necessity, I guess.
'TV's place in modern society is still secure ' - clear and good expression
4. Some things aren't clear to me. These lines or parts could be improved :
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is that :
I apparently have distinguished points in one paragraph. Of course, it is a short writing, but if you had divided it into a few paragraph by points (maybe 2 or 3) it would have been better.
To An Yumi From Kim Bosung Assignment:
ReplyDelete1. What I like about this piece of writing is you didn't wrote 'We never be able to live without it.' You acknowledged the possibility of both sides and also expressed your opinion that the world without TV would be inefficient and difficult to adapt to.
2. Your main point seems to be 'TV is needed because it has its advantages that can't be easily replaced.'
3. TV is apparently one of the most widely available broadcasting media that can directly contact almost all social members.
I like them because I definitely agree with this sentence and I tried to include the meaning it means in my writing but I couldn't express it well.
4. Some things aren't clear to me. These lines or parts could be improved (meaning not clear, supporting points missing, order seens mixed up, writing not lively)
Lines or parts:
TV's place in modern society is still secure although TV is certainly beginning to lose its function. With emergence of diverse digital gadgets such as, PC, smart phones or tablets, we are more likely to play with them rather than TV in order to get amused or informed. Especially, countries with strong nationwide wireless network, users can always enjoy a variety of contents anytime and anywhere through these cutting-edge gadgets. We, however, still need TV.
Need improving because you put sentences that are contradcting to your main opinion between two main sentences. It seems rather confusing. I know you tried to be seen more objective by showed readers that you considered both sides. But the opposite part is too long for its role.
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is to make the part that contradicting your main idea more shorter or make other part that support your opinion longer. By doing so the proportion would be more proper.