TV is supposed to be in households. Of course, it is true that we can watch TV programs by smartphones or any mobile device.
However, TV is more than home appliances. Even though they, like their names, have been smart for modern people, smartphones have very critical and incorrigible adverse effects that block communication between family members.
On top of that, we have had less time to sit around the table and talk to each other. At best, evening or late evening might be ideal time.
Then we have no choice but to jump at this opportunity. Try to turn on TV for now. Genres that each of us like are different each other. So, it doesn't matter which one you will be watching. News, in my opinion, could be the best one to induce us to talk.
To: Park, Shin-Young From: Jang Eun hye 201104213
ReplyDelete1. What I like about this piece of writing is that your word choices are very sophisticated.
Your writng has predictable stories so it could have been boring. But by using those words, you made your writng very interesting.
2. Your main point seems to be that you advocate TV. doesn't you?
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful
Using imperative sentence was very fresh.
Also you used conjunctive adverb very effectively.
4. Some things aren't clear to me.
In the second paragraph, I can't understand the connection of the first sentence and the second one. The first sentence says TV but the second one says smartphone.
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is that if you wrote introduction more clearly in terms of your point, your writing could be easy to read and become very organized.
To Park, Shin-Young From Jisu Song
ReplyDelete1. What I like about this piece of writing is that you recommended the readers to follow your idea.
2. Your main point seems to supporting TV.
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful:
“Then we have no choice but to jump at this opportunity.” I think the word ‘opportunity’ implies positivity, so the sentence seems very powerful.
4. Some things aren’t clear to me. These lines or parts could be improved (meaning not clear, supporting points missing, order seems mixed up, writing not lively):
In your second paragraph, you wrote “However, TV is more than home appliances. Even though they, like their names, have been smart for modern people, smartphones ~”. It seems like ‘they’ in the second sentence means home appliances. It’s confusing because the real subject ‘smartphone’ comes at the latter part.
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is your introduction. I think the first sentence of this part should cover the main topic and draw more attention.