A Necessity In Our Life : TV
Most households in Korea have at least one television. Of course, some households don't have it but they are also influenced by TV in public area, store and other's home. Like this, most people are affected by television directly or indirectly. No matter how widely smart phones and computers are spread, there are no means which are spread more widely and more accessible regardless of age than TV. Using this characteristic, television performs a very important duty. It is to give announcement, news and useful information to people. If national emergencies occur, the more urgent announcements are, the more necessary the TV is to citizens from government's position. Furthermore, TV is the most convenient tool to give information. Other medias like internet only give information to people who search for information by themselves, However, TV is programmed automatically and give information if we just switch on it. People like elders and the disabled who have difficulty in searching personally can watch it easily. Therefore, television's function is absolutely essential part for one country and individuals. It will be hard to live convenient life without TV for mankind.
To Hayoung Kang, from Hyejeong Yu. Assignment: TV, could you do without it?
ReplyDelete1. What I like about this piece of writing is that it gives kind of background information about TV at first, helping me to understand the further supporting points you make in writing.
2. Your main point seems to be 'Television's function is absolutely essential part for one country and individuals'
3. Of course, some households don't have it. I like this sentence as you give a space to protect yourself if someone criticizes the idea that the most households in Korea have at least one television. I think it makes your first sentence of the writing more reasonable.
4. If national emergencies occur, the more urgent announcements are the more necessary the TV is to citizens from government’s position. This sentence confused me as I could not get the exact meaning of the phrase, citizens from government’s position. May be it would be more clear if you explain more about how government uses TV efficiently when a national emergency strikes.
5. May be if you divide your writing into some paragraphs it would improve a lot. For now as you wrote your writing in one paragraph, it seems like every supporting idea is connected, making it quite hard to get a picture of your writing. It would be more clear and logical if you divide your writing into paragraphs.
To Hayong KANG From SaeWhan PARK/ Assignment: TV: could you do without it?
ReplyDelete1. What I like about this piece of writing is that it gives ample reasons to support its ideas and gets directly to the point. Ideas are not ambiguous but clear to understand. And also, you used some transition words like furthermore, to connect sentences smoothly.
2. Your main point seems to be that TV is very essential in our daily lives because it provides people with news, information, and easy access for the elderly and disabled to media.
3. These particular words struck me as powerful include "furthermore," and "however." I like these words because they help me follow your ideas quickly.
4. You said citizens from government positions, but this phrase wasn't quite clear to me.
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is to separate your ideas by paragraph. You have 3 main ideas to support your thesis, so maybe you can have 3 paragraphs.
To Hayong Kang from Hyein Jin 200903450 French
ReplyDelete1. What I like from your writing is your strong concluding phrase and developing various reasons to support the subject.
2. Your main point seems to be that we absolutely need TV in our life.
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful :
1)words or lines :
Television performs a very important dyty.
I like this because it effectively shows the contents that follow next.
2)words or lines :
Therefore ~ country and individual (the last phrase)
I like this because it concludes the whole essay clarifying what writer wants to say.
4. Some things aren't clear to me. These lines or parts could be improved
Lines or parts
: the more necessary the TV is to citizens from government's position.
This needs improving because it is a lack of explanation and readers would hardely understand what you intend exactly.
5. The one change you can make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is
Individual phrases are well-written but it would be better if these were more organized logically. It seems it is written freely, and needs more structured organizing.