Love Yourself, Love Others, and Love the World
201203187
Soyun Jeong
Everybody encounter hard time in their life. For me, it was really difficult to get used to the changes I had to face when I moved to Seoul last year for my university education. I was not ready at all to be away from my family and friends in my hometown, Gunsan, so I felt very lonely and depressed. However, no matter how bad the situation was, I could still find something to be happy about. To achieve happiness, you have to start by loving yourself. Next, you have to expand that love to the other people around you, and finally, to the whole world. Maintaining positive relationship with yourself, others, and the world can make you healthy in both physical and mental ways, empower you so you can go through the difficult moments you have to face, and enable you to achieve what you want in your life.
You can increase your physical and mental health by loving yourself. When you love yourself, you will take a good care of your body by eating nutritious food and working out regularly, which will make you healthier. You will also try to avoid certain habits that are bad to your health, such as eating fast food, drinking alcohol too much, or smoking heavily. Loving yourself also means that you have high self-esteem. When you feel confident about yourself, you will be more likely to overcome failures or mistakes, because you know you can do it better next time. If so, you can have less chance to feel depressed.
When you maintain good relationship with your family and friends, they give you the energy in your life, which will make you overcome any hardship you get to encounter. When you love and care about the people close to you, they also give that love and compassion back to you. It will be a lot of comfort to know that they are always there for you and supporting you. All kinds of bad things can happen in your life, and there surely are the moments when you want to give up. However you can still find the reason to go on when you think about the people you love.
Maintaining positive relationship with the world means focusing on the good things around you and having a good sense of value, and if you do so, you will get the power to achieve your goal. If you focus on the good things in your life and have optimistic point of view, you do not easily get disappointed even if things do not go as you wish. Therefore you will try again and again, not giving up, and it will eventually bring success in your life. Having a good sense of value is also important, because it makes you know what is right and wrong. Therefore you will have more chance to take a better decision, which will help achieving your dreams as well.
The bible says, "Without love, we have nothing," and that is so true. Love is the key of happiness. When you love yourself, you will be able to get physical and mental health. When you love other people around you, you will be able to get the strength to overcome any adversity. When you love the world, you will be able to get the successful life that you wished. Try hard to live with love in your mind to bring happiness in your life.
1.What i like about this piece of writing is :
ReplyDeleteWhat I like about this piece of writing is that your points are well stated. I do agree that taking good care of yourself, maintaing good relationships with your family and friends, and trying to live with positiveness are good steps to live a happier life. Your supporting points are well stated.
2. Your main point seems to be :
Your main point seems to be that in order to be happy, you need to learn how to love.
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful:
I liked the statement that you made in the intro paragraph, "However, no matter how bad the situation was, I could still find something to be happy about". This sentence encouraged me to be brave and be happy. Because I have had those moments as well in the past.
4. Some things aren't clear to me. These lines or parts could be improved(meaning not clear, supporting points missing, order seems mixed up, writing not lively):
It was hard for me to find your thesis, although I could notice what you were meant. Following by that, It would be nice to state your supporting point in an order form.. Ex. FIrst of all, Secondly, and Lastly..
Also, in my opinion instead of saying "loving yourself" it would much sound better if said "taking good care of yourself"
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest imrpovement in this piece of writing is that adding nice transition sentences at the ed of each paragraph will smooth out the essay
To Soyun Jeong From Hannah Bae
ReplyDelete1. What I like about this piece of writing is you expanded the range of love from just yourself and then, into wolrd.
2. Your main point seems to be love yourself, others, and world. Then, your life will be happier.
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful:
The bible says, "Without love, we have nothing," and that is so true. Love is the key of happiness.
It drew attention and trust from readers. Also, it shows what you are saying through the whole essay.
4. Some things aren’t clear to me. These lines or parts could be improved (meaning not clear, supporting points missing, order seems mixed up, writing not lively):
I couldn 't find something unclear. However, when i was reading your essay, i kept feeling that you are using same expressions or words again and again. I think you wanted to emphasize some of them.
But you could also strengthen the ideas by using somewhat different expressions. Also, i couldn't see conjunctions or transition words that much. If you used just 'First, then, lastly' in front of the first sentence of each paragraph, it could be looked much well-organized.
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is the first paragraph and some expression change that i said above. In the first paragraph, there's too much information, i think. You can see that it's much longer than other paragraphs. Maybe, it's not that matter but looks a little bit awkward, though. If you divide the last 3 sentences into other paragraphs, it would empower the main ideas of each paragraph more.
To Soyun Jeong From Youngjun Yoo
ReplyDelete1. What I like about this piece of writing is that the
writing is well organized so it is easy to read and
understand. Also, I like the way the writer used her
own experience in the introduction. A lot of readers
may feel the same way about her experience.
2. Your main point seems to be that to achieve
happiness, we should love ourselves, others and the
world itself.
3. These particular words or lines struck me as
powerful:
(1) “Without love, we have nothing.” : I think this
sentence is an very apt quotation for your point of
this writing.
(2) “Therefore you will try again and again, not
giving up, and it will eventually bring success in
your life.” : I like this sentence because I also
believe this is true.
4. Some things aren't clear to me. These lines or
parts could be improved:
I don't find anything unclear to me.^^
5. The one change you could make that would make the
biggest improvement in this piece of writing is that
your introduction is clearly stating what the writing
is about, but it seems to me to be too long. So, if
you could shorten it more concisely, I think it would
be better.
Love Yourself, Love Others, and Love the World
ReplyDelete201203187
Soyun Jeong
Everybody encounter hard time in their life. For me, it was really difficult to get used to the changes when I moved to Seoul last year. I was not ready at all to be away from my family and friends in my hometown, so I felt very lonely and depressed. However, no matter how bad the situation was, I could still find something to be happy about. For me, it helped a lot when I tried to maintain positive relationship with the things around me. Therefore, if you love yourself, others, and the world, you will be able to find happiness.
First, if you love yourself, you can increase your physical and mental health. When you love yourself, you will take a good care of your body by eating nutritious food and working out regularly. You will also try to avoid certain habits that are bad to your health, such as eating fast food, drinking alcohol too much, or smoking heavily. Loving yourself also means that you have high self-esteem. When you feel confident about yourself, you will be more likely to overcome failures or mistakes, because you know you can do it better next time. If so, you can have less chance to feel depressed.
Second, when you love your family and friends, they give you the energy which will make you overcome any hardship you get to encounter. Just as you care about them, they will also give that love and compassion back to you. It will be a lot of comfort to know that they are always there for you and supporting you. All kinds of bad things can happen in your life, and there surely are the moments when you want to give up. However you can still find the reason to go on when you think about the people you love.
Lastly, if you love the world, which includes having optimistic point of view, and having a good sense of value, you will get the power to achieve your goal. If you focus on the good things around you, you do not easily get disappointed even if things do not go as you wish. Therefore you will try again and again, not giving up, and it will eventually bring success in your life. Having a good sense of value is also important, because it makes you know what is right and wrong. Therefore you will have more chance to take a better decision, which will help achieving your dreams as well.
The bible says, “Without love, we have nothing,” and that is so true. Love is the key of happiness. When you love yourself, you will be able to get physical and mental health. When you love other people around you, you will be able to get the strength to overcome any adversity. When you love the world, you will be able to get the successful life that you wished. Try hard to live with love in your mind to bring happiness in your life.