When can you confidently say that you feel happy? Some people say you are happy if you are rich, but others disagree. Happiness doesn't come easy but can be achieved when a variety of factors collectively work together. You can earn happiness when you are healthy, you love what you do, and you have people who care about you.
Being healthy leads to happiness. It is likely that many people often overlook the importance of being healthy when they think of happiness since they take it for granted. However, suppose you are suffering from an incurable disease. Would you feel happy? Anything wouldn't be able to make you happy if you are sick. It is an essential factor of happiness, but people don't realize it until they get seriously ill. Besides, being in a good condition puts you on a sound stage of mind. Consequently, you get to look at the world with positive perspective, which results in happiness.
Numerous people feel happy because they love what they do in their lives. It is fair to say your studies and career take up a substantial part of your life, and it's directly related to your happiness. If you are still a student and you love what you learn, you would feel happy. Moreover, in a long term, your career would bring happiness. Every morning on your way to school or work you are excited to see what is waiting for you today. Loving what you do is a one of the critical causes of happiness since it will keep you motivated in your mundane life.
As a result of the presence of the people who care about you, you feel happiness. Human beings are always in need of emotional interactions with another human beings. It is our nature. As you emotionally interact with the people who care about you and vice versa, you would feel emotional satisfaction. Regardless of your health condition and your career, if you don't have any people around you, your life would lack of happiness.
To sum up, happiness can be accomplished when you are physically healthy, when you love what you do, and interact with people who you love. Some people say that material wealth plays a big part in achieving happiness. In fact, however, it comes along when all the three elements mentioned above collectively work together. It would be wise to find the true happiness without being dazzled by seemingly relevant causes, such as material affluence.
To Seungmi Park From Minyoung Kang
ReplyDelete1. What I like about this piece of writing is that the explanations in your body paragraphs connect with the readers. It feels like you are actually talking to the readers, giving important advice.
2. Your main point seems to be that being healthy, loving what you do, and having people who care around you are the key of happiness.
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful:
(1) I like how you utilized the cause and effect words that we learned in class. It made your writing much more organized and easy to understand.
(2) detailed conclusion. Personally, I am not good at writing a conclusion, but I think your conclusion is very simple yet detailed.
4. Somethings aren't clear to me. These lines or parts could be improved:
(1) If you are still a student~ moreover, in a long term, your career~. The link between the two sentences is weak. It talks about students, and then it talks about career. Maybe you could add some details about getting a job that suits your interest?
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is giving more links to some parts in your writing where it jumps to the conclusion. A little more explanation will greatly improve the flow of information. (ex ‘being in a good condition ~ sound stage of mind.’ How? There are some people who have healthy body but still feel depressed. ‘Emotional interaction’ this is a vague word. how does ‘emotional interaction’ actually affect our lives and bring happiness? it would be better if you gave more connection.)
To Seungmi Park From Youmi An
ReplyDelete1. What I like about this piece of writing is that your writing is well organized with a good coherence. I could clearly see what you write about.
2. Your main point seems to be that being healthy, loving what you do, loving people around you is three key factors to be happy.
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful:
It is fair to say your studies and career take up a substantial part of your life : I do know what a word 'substantial' mean but I do not use it in my writing. Your using this word made me decide to use this word in my next writing. Also, you experessed the importance of the subject in a way that it takes up some parts. It was impressing too, for me who are not very flexible in using various forms of sentence.
without being dazzled by seemingly relevant causes : I just like it. You taught me how to use a word 'seemingly' in a sentence.
4. Somethings aren't clear to me. These lines or parts could be improved:
If you are still a student and you love what you learn, you would feel happy. Moreover, in a long term, your career would bring happiness. : I know what you meant in this part, I know what is going on. But It feels awkard when I first read it. I think you need less than a couple of sentences which will fill the gap between 'studying' and 'career'
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is to decrease 'you's and avoid starting to write with a rhetorical question. If they are not overused, they play very effectively in a writing, but overused, it might make readers feel they are being taught by a writer who is far up above readers.
When can you confidently say that you feel happy? Some people say they are happy if they are rich, but others disagree. Happiness doesn’t come easy but can be achieved when a variety of factors collectively work together. You can earn happiness when you are healthy, you love what you do, and you have people who care about you.
ReplyDeleteBeing healthy leads to happiness. It is likely that many people often overlook the importance of being healthy when they think of happiness since they take it for granted. However, suppose there’s a patient who is suffering from an incurable disease. He wouldn’t feel happy with knowing the last day of his life is coming closer every day. Anything wouldn’t be able to make people happy if they are sick. It is an essential factor of happiness, but people don’t realize it until they get seriously ill. Besides, being in a good condition puts people on a sound stage of mind, given that the soundness of body offers them optimism since they feel healthy and alive. Consequently, you get to look at the world with a positive perspective, which results in happiness.
Numerous people feel happy because they love what they do in their lives. It is fair to say people’s studies and career take up a substantial part of their lives, and it’s directly related to their happiness. If you are still a student and you love what you learn, you would feel happy. Moreover, in a long term, if you get a job that suits your interest, your career would bring happiness. Every morning on your way to school or work you are excited to see what is waiting for you today. Loving what you do is a one of the critical causes of happiness since it will keep you motivated in your mundane life.
As a result of the presence of the people who care about you, you feel happiness. Human beings are always in need of emotional interactions with another human beings, such as love, caring, even quarrels. It is our nature. As people emotionally interact with other people who care about them and vice versa, they would feel loved and cared. This process causes emotional satisfaction. Regardless of their health condition and their career, if they don’t have any people around them, people’s lives would lack of happiness.
To sum up, happiness can be accomplished when people are physically healthy, when they love what they do, and interact with other people who they love. Some would say that material wealth plays a big part in achieving happiness. In fact, however, it comes along when all the three elements mentioned above collectively work together. It would be wise to find the true happiness without being dazzled by seemingly relevant causes, such as material affluence.