201102045 EIT
오세규(Se-Kyu Oh)
How I pursue my happiness
According to Aristotle (BC 384 ~ 322) and his teleology, human beings' ultimate goal is happiness and I couldn't agree with him more because I, as a human being, pursue happiness every day. However, contrary to what most people think, happiness not only comes from material stuffs. In my case, happiness also comes from delicious meals, people whom I care and who care me, and works I do.
First, the easiest and fastest way for me to be happy is to have a delicious meal or to get some snacks such as cookies, chocolates, chips, or ice creams. Some people would laugh at me and say I'm childish but having a good meal or snack actually has positive impacts on one's feelings. It is said that sugar in snacks relieves stress and helps to retrieve good feelings. It is also known that having a good meal makes people happier by satisfying their appetite.
Second, people around me also make me happy. Sometimes it is the people that make me sad but mostly, it is the people around me that make me laugh and happy. Having conversations with friends helps to forget hardships I was dealing with. Dating out with my girlfriend can make me the happiest guy in this world under the premise that I have a girlfriend. Spending time with my family helps me to recognize what's important in my life and that the stress or hardships I'm dealing with is nothing.
Finally, I sometimes get happiness from works or assignments I do. For most people and even for me occasionally, works give stress and make people tired or even exhausted. However, I also become satisfied and get happiness by having the works perfectly done and therefore getting good rewards or reputation. Once I manage to finish whatever I was dealing with and get praises or good rewards, all the stresses disappear and I feel satisfied, proud of myself and also get courage to do other things well.
Happiness is not far from us; sometimes, it's within us or around us so that we can find it easily. As I find my happiness in snacks, people around me, and works I do, other people would find their own happiness in things around them or even within them. We can't be always happy, but we can be happy if we find how to be where the happiness comes from.
To Se-Kyu Oh From Yang, Myong-Hwa
ReplyDelete1. What I like about this piece of writing is the introduction part. By quoting Aristotle teleology related to happiness,the writer starts the story more smoothly.
2. Your main point seems to be that you feel happy when you eat delicious food, do what you want, and spend time with your lovely people.
3. These lines struck me as powerful.
- "the easiest and fastest way for me to be happy is to have a delicious meal" : This is a convenient and simple way to feel happy.
- "Happiness is not far from us" : It causes me to re-think about people and things around me.
4. In 3rd paragraph, "Sometimes it is the people that make me sad but mostly, it is the people around me that make me laugh and happy" is not clear to me. That sentence means that you feel happy or bad when you stay with other people. I think that you'd better add the word 'although' next to 'Sometimes'.
5. As I mentioned in question 4, this piece of writing would be better if the writer revises it by adding the conjunction properly.
To Se-Kyu Oh From Lim, Chae-min.
ReplyDelete1. What I like about this piece of writing is that the hook. By starting with a saying of the great philosopher, it can show how your writing flows and attract more attention from readers.
2. Your main point seems to be that when you eat delicious food, do your work and spend time with your people, those can make you feel happy.
3. These lines struck me as powerful.
The conclusion sentence.
Happiness is not far from us; sometimes, it's within us or around us so that we can find it easily.
It summarizes your introduction well and restates the thesis in different way.
4. In the introduction, you wrote as if most people think that happiness comes from material stuffs.
Is it true?, nice beginning but it has a weak reference to the hook. It means that you need to put more specific background sentences.
5. I think that there are little cause connectors in your writing and therefore you need to add some cause connectors or re-write a few sentences in a different way.
Thank you.
I revised my first draft by removing some unncessary words or phrases, adding necessary words, and also by replacing some words.
ReplyDeleteHow I pursue my happiness
According to Aristotle (BC 384 ~ 322) and his teleology, human’s ultimate goal is happiness and I couldn’t agree with him more because I, as a human being, pursue happiness every day. The way to achieve happiness would be various but I find my happiness in easy, fast, and also close stuffs. In my case, happiness comes from delicious meals, people around me, and works I do.
First, the easiest and fastest way for me to be happy is to have a delicious meal or to get some snacks such as cookies, chocolates, chips, or ice creams. Some people would laugh at me and say I’m childish but having a good meal or snack actually has positive impacts on one’s feelings. It is said that sugar in snacks relieves stress and helps to retrieve good feelings. It is also known that having a good meal makes people happier by satisfying their appetite.
Second, people around me also make me happy. Though some people around me give stress sometimes, for most of the time, it is the people around me that make me laugh and happy. Having conversations with friends helps to forget hardships I was dealing with. Dating out with my girlfriend can make me the happiest guy in this world. Spending time with my family helps me to recognize what’s important in my life and that the stress or hardships I’m dealing with is nothing.
Finally, I often get happiness from works or assignments I do. For most people and even for me occasionally, works give stress. It makes people tired or even exhausted. However, I also become satisfied and get happiness by having the works perfectly done and therefore getting good rewards or reputation. Once I manage to finish whatever I was dealing with and get praises or good rewards for it, all the stresses disappear and I feel satisfied, get proud of myself and also get courage to do other things well.
In conclusion, happiness is not far from us; sometimes, it’s within us or around us so that we can find it easily. As I find my happiness in snacks, people around me, and works I do, other people would find their own happiness in things around them or even within them. Life is hard sometimes and we can’t be always happy. However we can try to be happy if we know where our happiness comes from.