There are many factors that make people happy. The emotion of happiness gets people to be motivated and enthusiastic about their life, and thus it is important for people to learn what makes them happy. It is my belief that happiness mainly comes from these three factors; love, fun and hope.
First of all, love leads to happiness. Love from parents, love from lovers and love from friends bring a lot of happiness for most people. This is because they are important and a part of our life. As a result, we feel confident about ourselves and happy as someone cares about us. For example, according to a famous psychiatrist, one of the primary causes for depression is loneliness. This example demonstrates how love from other people leads to happiness.
Secondly, fun leads to happiness. People usually have fun from different kinds of activities such as swimming, reading, playing games, travelling and such. Enjoying hobbies enable people to relax, relieve stress and find other passion in their life other than work. Therefore, people feel a sense of achievement in their life, since they are doing something meaningful to them. For example, during my high school years, I used to feel unhappy due to stress from studying and repeated lifestyle. However, after planning to go swimming with my friends every weekend, I was able to entertain myself and feel happy again.
Finally, people feel happy from hope. The word “hope” indicates possibility for better future. As most people have goals and dreams they want to accomplish later in their life, planning and accomplishing their goal step by step help people to feel positive about their future. Thus, happiness emerges, at the thought of living life that they’ve wanted and become motivated to work hard as well. For instance, according to Kim Yuna, a famous figure skater said during the interview that regardless of hard training, she felt energized and happy at the thought of winning the championship in the future.
To conclude, feeling valued, entertained and hopeful all leads to happiness in life. Even though there are many other factors such as money, without these three elements, it is easy for people to become easily depressed and lonely. It is thus of importance for people to consider these factors, especially when they feel unhappy sometime in their life.
To Park Sae Whan From Park, Shin Young Assignment 4
ReplyDelete1. What I like about this piece of writing is your writing is written in the well-organized structure. And, in each body paragraph, you use examples. It helps me to understand your writing.
2. Your main point seems to be causes of happiness are love, fun and hope.
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful:
Words or lines
5th sentence in the 4th paragraph
I like them because
The example that you've used is proper and persuasive.
4. Some things aren’t clear to me. These lines or parts could be improved (meaning not clear, supporting points missing, order seems mixed up, writing not lively):
nothing.
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is it could be more better writing if you write more long. But, it's all good, overall.
1. What I like about this piece of writing is that by giving your personal experience and a real example of celebrity, you made your writing more persuasive and easy to understand.
ReplyDelete2. Your main point seems to be that love,fun and hope are the main factors of happiness.
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful.
As I said above, writng specific exmaples had a powerful impact on me.
4.5 Some things aren't clear to me. So you could make the biggest improvement
Thus, happiness emerges, at the thought of living life that they’ve wanted and become motivated to work hard as well.
You seemed to miss one subject, 'they' between 'and' and 'become'
I cannot understand this sentence.
You'd better write this sentnece by rewirte the last sentence.
Second draft------------------
ReplyDeleteThe cuase of happiness
There are many factors that make people happy. The emotion of happiness makes people motivated and enthusiastic about their life, and thus it is important for people to learn what makes them happy. It is my belief that happiness mainly comes from these three factors: love, fun and hope.
First of all, love leads to happiness. Love from parents, love from lovers and love from friends bring a lot of happiness for most people. This is because they are important and part of our life. As a result, we feel confident about ourselves and happy as someone cares about us. For example, according to a famous psychiatrist, one of the primary causes for depression is loneliness. This example demonstrates how love from other people leads to happiness.
Secondly, fun also leads to happiness. People usually have fun from different kinds of activities such as swimming, reading, playing games, travelling and such. Enjoying hobbies enables people to relax, relieve stress and find other passion in their life other than work. Therefore, people feel a sense of achievement in their life, since they are doing something meaningful to them. For example, during my high school years, I sometimes felt unhappy due to stress from studying and repeated lifestyle. However, after planning to go swimming with my friends every weekend, I was able to entertain myself and feel happy again.
Finally, people feel happy from hope. The word “hope” indicates possibility for better future. As most people have goals and dreams they want to accomplish later in their life, planning and accomplishing their goal step by step help people to feel positive about their future. Thus, happiness emerges at the thought of living life that they’ve wanted and, as a result, people become motivated to work hard as well. For instance, according to Kim Yuna, a famous figure skater said during the interview that regardless of hard training, she felt energized and happy at the thought of winning the championship in the future.
To conclude, feeling valued, entertained and hopeful all leads to happiness in life. Even though there are many other factors such as money, without these three elements, it is easy for people to become easily depressed and lonely. It is thus of importance for people to consider these factors, especially when they feel unhappy sometime in their life.