How to be happy without BMW car or Hermes bag
200903450 French/EIT
Hyein Jin
To many people, the ultimate goal of the life is to be happy. We see a lot of people are striving for their happiness and challenging themselves to find what really makes them contented. Since the wealth and fame bring about strong feeling of satisfaction, some people obsess over money and power. However, we often see that rich and famous people make a confession that how unhappy they are. At the same time, sometimes we are surprised when poor people who live in shabby houses but say they are happy enough. Thus, in responding to the question that how we become happy, we may say it is not depend on what we possess; People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be. Without a sleek car or expensive bag, we can be happy when we're emotionally positive, motivated, and feel loved.
First, positive mind will absolutely lead us to happiness. According to scientific analysis, positivity and happiness have a strong correlation. Since positive person are willing to evaluate himself high, and intend to see good side of the life, he might be mentally healthier. Positive people also don't spend much time pining for the old days. They are too busy making new valuable memories now. Moreover, they smile a lot, and these smiles are contagious. Thus, they are easily become happier than other people, and they even knows how to makes others happy as well!
Second, to be motivated and proactive is one of the best ways to be happy. Many people are happy being proud of their own accomplishments. Especially for a majority of people who has a strong feeling of self-respect, a moment of success and fulfillment would bring about happiness. Since motivated people are wide awake that passivity would not result in what they want, they try to be very involved in constructing their lives. Due to their drive, motivated people gain what they desire and feel satisfied and happy.
Third, the feeling of love could be the fastest and easiest way to be happy. There is even a famous quote of Victor Hugo that says 'Life's greatest happiness is to be convinced we are loved'. Human being is a social animal, and we feel happy based on the quality of the relationships we have built and maintained. When we're in a genuinely valuable relationship, we feel good about ourselves and satisfied with everything. Since we are able to love and be loved, we could heal wounds from the past and have confidence in ourselves. Thanks to the special experience that we are accepted as we are, we could feel complete in such a solid happiness.
In order to be happy, we need to be positive, motivated and feel secured by love. All these things have nothing to do with how much money we have or what position we are currently responsible for. These days, people tend to sacrifice their happiness too easily for the success. A lot of people say they are pressed for time and have no time to think what happiness means to them. However, to be happy is not something demanding or challenging because happiness actually comes from such tiny things mentioned above. We should be aware that happiness already lies in us. Why don't we find and cherish it?
To Hyein Jin From Minyoung Kang
ReplyDelete1. What I like about this piece of writing is that your use of vocabulary is varied, and I love how you utilized diverse words to describe different things. Your use of vocabulary makes your writing much detailed and interesting.
2. Your main point seems to be that money is not the key of happiness. Rather, positive mind, being motivated and feeling loved by others is the factors of happiness.
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful:
(1) Your title: while everyone else just went with ‘the causes of happiness’ I liked that you put a creative title with your essay. It catches people’s attention easily, and I like how you had BMW or Hermes as something that symbolizes money.
(2) Having a quote: your quote by Victor Hugo contributed to the diversity in your writing. I thought it fit well with the rest of the writing.
4. Somethings aren't clear to me. These lines or parts could be improved:
(1) your introduction is a little long. It might be just me, but I think it will be better if you could have your body paragraphs longer than the introduction. Give the body paragraphs more explanations or details.
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is having examples or experiences of your life. I liked that you had scientific data or quotes of famous figure, but I think it would be better to have some situations or stories related to happiness in your writing, because happiness is related to personal stories. I really liked your writing though!
1. What I like about this piece of writing is that it organizes and logically explains what cause of happiness is. And I also liked about the introduction part where you explain wealth might not be important to happiness.
ReplyDelete2. Your main point seems to be positive mind, motivated and proactive and feeling of love brings happiness to us.
3. This particular words or lines struck me as powerful:
- However, to be happy is not something demanding or challenging because happiness actually comes from such tiny things mentioned above.
: I like this sentence because it tells the readers that happiness is not a hard thing and I like the way you link that fact with your main points, making your essay more convincing and strong.
4. Some things are not clear to me:
- These days, people tend to sacrifice their happiness too easily for the success.
: It is not that unclear but may be it would be better if you put some examples about people sacrificing happiness for success because there could be some people who think the success is happiness, making them to understand this sentence hard.
5. The one change you should make that would make the biggest improvement would be starting all paragraphs with first, second, third. It sounds little strict and feels monotonous. May be by using various types of conjunctions you might be able to make your essay more abundant with expressions.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteSecond Draft :
ReplyDelete1) Some phrases were re-written removed, corrected and replaced.
2) Based on feedback I got, I shortened the first paragraph.
To many people, the ultimate goal of the life is to be happy. We see many people are striving for their happiness and challenging themselves to find what really makes them contented. Since the wealth and fame bring about strong feeling of satisfaction, some people obsess over money and power. However, we often see that rich people confess that how unhappy they are. At the same time, sometimes we are surprised when poor people living in shabby houses say they are happy enough. Thus, in responding to the question that how we become happy, we would be able to say it is not depend on what we possess; Without a sleek car or expensive bag, we can be happy when we’re emotionally positive, motivated, and feel loved.
First, positive mind will absolutely lead us to happiness. According to scientific analysis, positivity and happiness have a strong correlation. Since positive person are willing to evaluate himself high, and intend to see good side of the life, he might be mentally healthier. Positive people also don’t spend much time pining for the old days, because they are just too busy making new valuable memories now. Moreover, they smile a lot, and these smiles are contagious. Thus, they are easily become happier than other people, and they even knows how to makes others happy!
Second, to be motivated and proactive is one of the best ways to be happy. Many people are happy being proud of their own accomplishments. Basically, success is long be remembered and admired by the most of people. Especially for people who have a strong feeling of self-respect, a moment of success and fulfillment would bring about happiness. Since motivated people are wide awake that passivity would not result in what they want, they try to be very involved in constructing their lives. Due to their drive, motivated people gain what they desire and feel satisfied and happy.
Third, the feeling of love could be the fastest and easiest way to be happy. To love and to be loved equally is a thrilling experience that could never be found for other accomplishments. There is even a quote of Victor Hugo that says ‘Life’s greatest happiness is to be convinced we are loved’. Human being is a social animal, and we feel happy based on the quality of the relationships we have built and maintained. When we’re in a genuinely valuable relationship, we feel good about ourselves and satisfied with everything. Since we are able to love and be loved, we could heal wounds from the past and have confidence in ourselves. Thanks to the special experience that we are accepted as we are, we could feel complete in such a solid happiness.
In order to be happy, we need to be positive, motivated and feel secured by love. All these things have nothing to do with how much money we have or what position we are currently responsible for. These days, people tend to sacrifice their happiness too easily for the success. A lot of people say they are pressed for time and have no time to think about what happiness means to them. However, to be happy is not something demanding or challenging because happiness actually comes from such tiny things mentioned above. People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be. We should be aware that happiness already lies in us. Why don't we find and cherish it?
Counter-opinions on feedback
ReplyDelete1) Thinking again about starting phrases with First, Second and third. I admit this is quite monotonous typical way of writing paragraph. In order to organize paragraph, however, I think it is needed somehow because I emphasized we need THREE things to be happy. I wanted list three things showing proper supporting information by each of paragraphs, so I decided not to revise it.
2) About using my experience in my writing, I don't think it is needed in here because this is written in the third person. I avoid using "I" "my" "me" in academic writing because I learnt this is not desirable from writing classes.
Thanks :)
By the way, I found that I mistype the title of this article. This is not written in 30 march. This writing is done in 6 April :)
ReplyDelete