Friday, April 05, 2013
Where is happiness from?
201103227 E. I. T
Jung Ji Soo
What do you think where happiness comes from?? Nowadays, as people live longer and earn a lot more money comparing to the past, happiness becomes more important part in our lives. There are really a lot of reasons for happiness, but in this writing, I'll show three reasons for being happy; health, family and friends and wealth.
First one that I pick out is health. To be happy, to be health is really important. Imagine that you are always sick and you can't do anything by yourself. It would be really sad. If we want to do something by ourselves, we have to be healthy. And by doing preferred things, we can get satisfaction and confidence with happiness. Being health cannot be separated from happy life.
Second one is family and friends who are familiar with us and supporting us. Since we cannot live alone in the society, we have to cooperate and help each other. In society, there are a lot of kinds of people. Among them, family and friends are really important to keep one's life smoothly and joyfully. They believe us and help us with their whole heart. To get along with believable and supportive ones are really meaningful in our lives. And only by their existences, we can be happy and we can enjoy our lives.
The last one is wealth. Some might say that happiness is unrelated to money. However, money is necessary to do something. There is almost nothing to do without money. Think about that you want to watch movies, have good dinner and go shopping and so on. They cost us money! Money let us do things that we like. Here, I'm not saying having a lot of money is important, I'm just saying having minimum money is necessary to sustain our lives doing what we like. Always we need money to enjoy our lives.
To conclude, there are some facts to make us happy. In this writing, there are only three causes for happiness; to be healthy, to associate people supporting us and having minimal money. I hope that everyone has their own happy lives. Be happy! And enjoy our lives fully!
To: Jung Ji Soo From: Seungmi Park
ReplyDelete1. what I like about this piece of writing is that you used sequence connectors appropriately and your writing has a good hook.
2. Your main point seems to be that the three causes of happiness is health, family and friends, and money.
3. Thes particular words or lines struck me as powerful :
words or lines : "Be happy! And enjoy our lives fully!"
This was a good closing sentence for me. I likes it because it ended with a exclamation mark not the typical period.
4. Some things are't clear to me. These lines or parts could be improved :
It could've been a better writing if you had used a full sentence for the topic sentences of it body paragraphs, such as "Lastly, wealth brings us happiness."
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is that you double check typos and grammar errors in your writing to make it look more professional. You could also work on your word choices to make it a bit more high register.
1. Does the introduction include a general thesis about the causes and effect? Underline this statement.
ReplyDeleteYes. “There are really a lot of reasons for happiness, but in this writing, I'll show three reasons for being happy; health, family and friends and wealth.”
2. Does each body paragraph contain a topic sentence that defines a specific cause?
Yes.
3. Are the causes explained in a logical way?
Yes.
4. Does the writer use connectors to show cause and effect?
Yes.
5. Does the conclusion restate the causes?
Yes.
6. Is there an evaluation or a reflection in the conclusion? Write it here.
I hope that everyone has their own happy lives. Be happy! And enjoy our lives fully!