201001709 Jisu Song
Causes of My Happiness
What makes me happy? This question was very difficult for me to answer. I haven't thought about happiness for a long time. I guess it's because I have been taking my happy life for granted. So, to write this essay I had to look back on my memories for a while. After considering my personal background, I would say health, social relationship, and study are the causes of my happiness.
First, health is the most important matter for my happiness. People often take health for granted. I also did when I was a young girl. But when I turned a high school student, I saw my family members suffer from physical illnesses. Consequently, some of them passed away and all my family lost happiness in our lives for several years. When you take account of the four phases of life: birth, old age, sickness, and death; getting sick is inevitable. But it surely takes happiness away from our lives.
Second, social relationships make me happy. No man can live by oneself. But there was a time when I had to live by myself. When I was a 3rd grader, I transferred to a school and my new classmates bullied me for no reason. They treated me like I was an invisible person. Even though my mom, dad, and brother were nice to me, I was not happy. Since school was the real society for me. Due to my current, wonderful relationship with my friends, I feel both happiness and thankfulness in my life.
Lastly, study gives me pleasure. Until high school, I could not choose what I wanted to study because of Korea's school system. But after I entered college, I was able to choose my majors and freely take classes that I want. I take 10 classes a semester so sometimes it's very tough. However, I don't even have the slightest intention to drop some. Since profoundly studying what I am interested makes me happy.
In conclusion, staying healthy, having a great social relationship, and studying what I want to study make me a happy person. And I always try to remember to cherish these causes of my happiness. Because if I don't, I know that I will no longer be able to continue a happy life.
To: Jisu Song From: Seungmi Park
ReplyDelete1. what I like about this piece of writing is that I see some cause connectors used in your writing and you brought your personal experience into the writing so that it gets interesting.
2. Your main point seems to be that "After considering my personal background, I would say health, social relationship, and study are the causes of my happiness."
3. Thes particular words or lines struck me as powerful :
words or lines : I don't even have the slightest intention to drop some.
This line really shows your determination, I could really feel that! :)
4. Some things are't clear to me. These lines or parts could be improved :
Conclusion paragraph seems to need more than it has. You could've concluded your writing with an advice to the readers.
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is that grammar. It would've been a more solid writing if you had used conditionals properly.
To: Jisu Song From: Hyein Jin
ReplyDelete1. what I like about this piece of writing is that you connect your personal experience to this essay properly.
2. Your main point seems to be that living healthy, maintaining good relationships and studying bring about happiness to you.
3. Thes particular words or lines struck me as powerful :
"After considering my personal background, I would say health, social relationship, and study are the causes of my happiness."
in the first paragraph.
It neatly summarize what is your main theme in the essay.
This phrase is clear and well structured.
4. Some things are't clear to me. These lines or parts could be improved :
And the phrase in 4th paragraph "Since profoundly studying what I am interested makes me happy." has some critical grammatical errors.
5. The one change you could make that you would need to revise it more academically. As professor said in the last class, 'I' subject is not that preferred in academic essay. Even if I consider that you wrote on your personal essay, the expressions are too casual.
Have a nice weekend! :D
Jisu Song/ Assignment 4/Tue 11a.m.
ReplyDelete201001709 Jisu Song
Causes of My Happiness
What makes me happy? This question was very difficult for me to answer. I haven't thought about happiness for a long time. I guess it's because I have been taking my happy life for granted. So, to write this essay I had to look back on my memories for a while. If I didn’t contemplate, I would not be able to answer the question. After considering my personal background, I would say health, social relationship, and study are the causes of my happiness.
First, health is the most important matter for my happiness. People often take health for granted. I also did when I was a young girl. But when I turned a high school student, I saw my family members suffer from physical illnesses. Consequently, some of them passed away and all my family lost happiness in our lives for several years. When you take account of the four phases of life: birth, old age, sickness, and death; getting sick is inevitable. But it surely takes happiness away from our lives.
Second, social relationships make me happy. No man can live by oneself. But there was a time when I had to live by myself. When I was a 3rd grader, I transferred to a school and my new classmates bullied me for no reason. They treated me like I was an invisible person. Even though my mom, dad, and brother were nice to me, I was not happy. Since school was the real society for me. If the kids were nice to me, I would have had been a very happy 3th grader. Due to my current, wonderful relationship with my friends, I feel both happiness and thankfulness in my life.
Lastly, study gives me pleasure. Until high school, I could not choose what I wanted to study because of Korea's school system. But after I entered college, I was able to choose my majors and freely take classes that I want. I take 10 classes a semester so sometimes it's very tough. However, I don't even have the slightest intention to drop some. Since devoting myself to what I am interested makes me happy.
In conclusion, staying healthy, having a great social relationship, and studying what I want to study make me a happy person. And I always try to remember to cherish these causes of my happiness. Because if I don't, I know that I will no longer be able to continue a happy life. If you were unconscious about happiness just like me, why don’t you start caring for what makes you happy?