The Causes of Happiness
Happiness is a very vague state that we cannot define nor achieve easily. However, to me, happiness means three things that I cannot live with. They are family, friends, and my duties. When I realize that my family and friends are with me, or I have so many duties to keep me busy, I can actually feel that I am truly happy with my life.
To begin with, my family is my biggest cause of happiness. No matter what I do, my parents and my siblings try to support me with whatever I do. There are times when I feel depressed because I cannot decide which way I should go when facing a difficult problem. At these times, my family is my biggest supporter and counselor whom I can count on anytime. For example, there are some parents who try to be strict on their children and always want their children to obey to what they say. However, my parents are exactly the opposite. They trust me with the choices I make, and if the choices go wrong, they help me reset the right path. They teach me responsibility as well as the important lesson that I am supposed to be making the right choices for my own life. In addition, my older brother and sister are great advisors who encourage me with my studies and other extracurricular activities. Because I receive positive energy from my family, my school life is much brighter with happiness.
Second, a big portion of my happiness comes from my friends. Whenever I feel empty, my friends are the ones who fill in the emptiness. Unlike how I usually am with many people around me, I tend to be very quiet and low spirited when I am alone. I also only do things I can alone like playing guitar or listening to music. However, when these lonely activities continue, I feel like I have nobody to talk to or share my emotions with. Also, since I am not very good at contacting others first and asking them to hang out with me, I end up spending a lot of time alone at home. However, my friends always know when I feel down or lonely, and they call me first to see if I would like to spend some time with them. Sometimes it scares me because they almost read my mind. From their lives to school gossip, they tell me all these interesting stories and make me feel that I always have somebody beside me.
Lastly, my duties always make my life filled with happiness. I pursue a life that is busy and filled with energy. Staying at home and lying on the bed do not make my life vibrant. Rather, always finding something to do and something to keep me occupied is what brightens up my days. That is why I take part in various extracurricular activities such as volunteering for Korea-U.S. Embassy, joining the school American football team, as well as being part of the student council. Spending time with nothing to do will only make my life dull and boring. Even though doing all these things may be too tough, I am grateful that every minute I spend is valuable to my life. I believe spending time worthily is the true meaning of happiness.
There are still many other things that make me smile and feel that I am truly loved. However, even when I am in a seriously bad mood, my family, friends, and duties will always get me out of that mood with the special ability they have. They account for big parts of my life at home, life at school, and most importantly, happiness.
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ReplyDeleteTo Min Young Kang from Sae Whan Park
ReplyDelete1. What I like about this piece of writing is that your writing is well-organized. And you used transition verbs quite often which helps me understand well.
2. Your main point seems to be causes of happiness including family, friends, and duties.
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful:
"Happiness is a very vague state that we cannot define nor achieve easily."
I liked this sentence because you began your essay with the concept and characteristics of happiness, and they are quite interesting.
4. Some things aren’t clear to me. These lines or parts could be improved (meaning not clear, supporting points missing, order seems mixed up, writing not lively):
Your third factor of causes of happiness is duties, but it seems a bit awkward. I understand you used this word to say that being busy makes you feel happy. The word duty represents, however, something that you must do whether you like it or not, so to me it doesn't match with the word happiness.
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is that you could have explained your own meaning of duties in the fourth paragraph.
To Minyoung Kang From Hannah Bae
ReplyDelete1. What I like about this piece of writing is you explained the 3 factors step by step in detail. It helped me a lot to understand this writing.
2. Your main point seems to be your happiness comes from family, friends, and duties.
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful:
Happiness is a very vague state that we cannot define nor achieve easily.
: This sentence drew my attention at a glance.
even when I am in a seriously bad mood, my family, friends, and duties will always get me out of that mood with the special ability they have.
: This sentence clearly shows how those factors matter to you.
4. Some things aren’t clear to me. These lines or parts could be improved (meaning not clear, supporting points missing, order seems mixed up, writing not lively):
Even though i complimented the 2nd sentence of last paragrph starting with 'However~', i think it's little bit awkward. You used 'however' here. I understand what you mean but you'd better re-organize the sentence. I suggest 2 options.
1)Delete the first sentence and 'however'.
2)Re-organize just the 2nd sentence. If i were you, i would say
'However, my family, friends, and duties have the most special ability to get me out of any bad mood.'
You need to show the contrast evidently between others and the 3 factors you mentioned.
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is the last paragraph. I see that you summarized it but that's all. You can add an evaluation or any datail. Also, in conclusion, we should paraphrase the main ideas. However, i cannot find the difference of your word choices between the last paragraph and the others. It feels like you're just repeating what you already said.
The Causes of Happiness
ReplyDeleteHappiness is a very vague state that we cannot define nor achieve easily. However, to me, happiness means three things that I cannot live with. They are family, friends, and the things that keep me busy. When I realize that my family and friends are with me, or I have numerous amount of work that I have to be involved in, I can actually feel that I am truly happy with my life.
To begin with, my family is my biggest cause of happiness. No matter what I do, my parents and my siblings try to support me with whatever I do. There are times when I feel depressed because I cannot decide which way I should go when facing a difficult problem. At these times, my family is my biggest supporter and counselor whom I can count on anytime. For example, there are some parents who try to be strict on their children and always want their children to obey to what they say. However, my parents are exactly the opposite. They trust me with the choices I make, and if the choices go wrong, they help me reset the right path. They teach me responsibility as well as the important lesson that I am supposed to be making the right choices for my own life. In addition, my older brother and sister are great advisors who encourage me with my studies and other extracurricular activities. Because I receive positive energy from my family, my school life is much brighter with happiness.
Second, a big portion of my happiness comes from my friends. Whenever I feel empty, my friends are the ones who fill in the emptiness. Unlike how I usually am with many people around me, I tend to be very quiet and low spirited when I am alone. I also only do things I can alone like playing guitar or listening to music. However, when these lonely activities continue, I feel like I have nobody to talk to or share my emotions with. Also, since I am not very good at contacting others first and asking them to hang out with me, I end up spending a lot of time alone at home. However, my friends always know when I feel down or lonely, and they call me first to see if I would like to spend some time with them. Sometimes it scares me because they almost read my mind. From their lives to school gossip, they tell me all these interesting stories and make me feel that I always have somebody beside me.
Lastly, my work and activities always make my life filled with happiness. I pursue a life that is busy and filled with energy. Staying at home and lying on the bed do not make my life vibrant. Rather, always finding something to do and something to keep me occupied is what brightens up my days. That is why I take part in various extracurricular activities such as volunteering for Korea-U.S. Embassy, joining the school American football team, as well as being part of the student council. Spending time with nothing to do will only make my life dull and boring. Even though doing all these things may be too tough, I am grateful that every minute I spend is valuable to my life. I believe spending time worthily is the true meaning of happiness.
There are still many other things that make me smile and feel that I am truly loved. Even when I am in a seriously bad mood, my family, friends, and the work I have to do will always get me out of that mood with the special abilities they have. They account for big parts of my life at home, life at school, and most importantly, happiness. As long as these things make me happy, I have no more to ask for.