Are you seeking for happiness? Have you ever felt everyone is happy except you watching people on the street through windows? You might try hard but couldn’t find the answer ending up with frustration. Sometimes, it feels like finding happiness in the present is too seldom and like a miracle. However, there are certain ways that will lead you to that unrealistic goal.
First, be thankful of what you already have. Don’t compare yourself with others. Most people always complain looking people above them. Just imagine what if you didn’t have ears to hear the voices of your family, eyes to see the faces of friends and lips to say “I love you.” to someone. Turn around and see who wishes to be live like you just for a day. Until it’s gone, we often forget the importance and how precious it is. A satisfaction enriches your life and makes it shine even in hardships.
Second, learn how to forgive and love someone. There are a lot of people who have totally different backgrounds with yours. Understanding people seems very hard when you try it for a first time. You may wonder why you should do it. Then, look at a mirror and think about your weakness for a while. Everyone has their own weaknesses and wants to be loved by someone. People who defend themselves strongly might get hurt for a long time. Who smiles a lot may have a scar in mind. See them as they are and be all ears to their inner stories and it would let you know the pleasure knowing people.
Finally, do what you want and can without any excuse. When having something in mind, we hesitate with thinking the amount of time or efforts to take. 24hours later, today becomes yesterday and fade out little by little. We cannot avoid regretting about the past but are able to try what we want to do now. For example, if you really want to be a musician but it’s really impossible, at least you can listen to music closing the eyes and breathing with its rhythms. The moment devoting yourself to what you love, that’s when you find real happiness.
To sum up, look around and see who and what’s there for you already. Appreciating it with paying back to others, giving love to them. Also, take actions for making something out. Why don’t you just take out a paper and start to write about all the things you have in mind now? After filling it out, you’ll see the answer for happiness was always staring you in the face, in the present.
To: Hannah Baw From: Yun Jeong Lee
ReplyDelete1. I like your essay because the topic sentences of each supporting body paragraph is so clear. It lets the reader know what the paragraph is going to be about, and allows the reader to get ready for the upcoming information. Also, your sentences are short and very to the point.
2. The main point seems to be that, ‘though finding happiness is hard, there are certain ways to achieve it.’
3. “Just imagine what if you didn’t have ears to hear the voices of your family, eyes to see the faces of friends and lips to say “I love you.” To someone.”-This sentence was powerful because it gave specific examples in which I can identify with. These specific examples seems to shock the readers and make them realize something they has taken for granted.
4. There are some parts that didn’t seem to support the topic sentence of the paragraph. Especially in paragraph 3, “Then , look at a mirror and think about your weakness for a while” does not seem so relevant to support the topic sentence.
5. I think the biggest improvement you can make is to use appropriate articles to make meaning of sentences clear. There are some parts that sounds a little bit awkward,
Thank you:)
-Yun Jeong Lee
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ReplyDeleteTo Hannah Bae From Jisu Song 201001709 Assignment 4
ReplyDelete1. What I like about this piece of writing is your conclusion. You summarized your main points well in that last paragraph. Also, you recommended a specific tip which was inspiring.
2. Your main point seems to be ‘be happy about what you have right now and enjoy your present’.
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful: ‘Why don’t you just take out a paper and start to write about all the things you have in mind now?’ I liked this sentence from your conclusion because I really needed this kind of advice. I think this will be useful for many of us because we have too many things in our minds and we need to organize them.
4. Some things aren’t clear to me. These lines or parts could be improved (meaning not clear, supporting points missing, order seems mixed up, writing not lively):
When I first saw your first sentence in the third body paragraph ‘Finally, do what you want and can without any excuse.’, I couldn’t really get it at first sight. Why don’t you change it to ‘Finally, do what you want to do without making any excuses.’?
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is: You could improve your thesis in the introduction. You have got many background information in that paragraph, but I think you could add more details in the thesis statement.
I'm sorry that I deleted the first version. I made a mistake;(
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete2nd draft:
ReplyDeleteAre you seeking for happiness? Have you ever felt everyone is happy except you watching people on the street through windows? You might try hard but couldn’t find the answer ending up with frustration. Though happiness feels like too seldom in the present as a miracle, there are certain ways that will lead you to that unrealistic goal. Satisfaction, understanding people, and doing what you want are the keys.
First, be thankful of what you already have. Don’t compare yourself with others. Most people always complain looking people above them. Just imagine what if you didn’t have ears to hear the voices of your family, eyes to see the faces of friends and lips to say “I love you.” to someone. Turn around and see who wishes to be live like you just for a day. Until it’s gone, we often forget the importance and how precious it is. A satisfaction enriches your life and makes it shine even in hardships.
Second, learn how to forgive and love someone. There are a lot of people who have totally different backgrounds with yours. Understanding people seems very hard when you try it for a first time. You may wonder why you should do it. Then, just think about yourself for a while. Like you do, everyone has their own weaknesses and wants to be loved by someone. See them as they are and be all ears to their inner stories. It would turn back to you the pleasure of knowing people and loving yourself at last.
Finally, do what you want to do without any excuse. When having something in mind, we hesitate with thinking the amount of time or efforts to take. After only few hours, today becomes yesterday and fade out little by little. We cannot avoid regretting about the past but are able to try what we want to do now. For example, if you really want to be a musician but it’s really impossible, at least you can listen to music closing the eyes and breathing with its rhythms. The moment devoting yourself to what you love, that’s when you find real happiness.
To sum up, look around and see who and what’s there for you already. Appreciating it with paying back to others, giving love to them. Also, take actions for making something out. Why don’t you just take out a paper and start to write about all the things you have in mind now? After filling it out, you’ll see the answer for happiness was always staring you in the face, in the present.