201001709 Jisu Song
Children are the best subjects when it comes to photographs. They are innocent unlike adults, so they demonstrate genuine feelings. Their honesty let them show their true emotions. Here are two photographs depicting children. One is "Village School" by Margaret Bourke-White and the other is "Children's Puppet Theatre, Paris 1963" by Alfred Eisenstadt. The children are common subjects in the two photographs but display very different emotions and moods.
In the first photograph called the "Village School", children with solemn faces are the main center of interest. The only light is shining upon the boys' faces with closed mouths. It seems very silent as if they are being scolded by someone. They seem to be frightened by someone or something. All of them are looking at the front side, but the kid on the foreground is looking directly at the camera. Most of them are wearing dark shirts sitting on dark wooden benches, so it seems like the children's heads are floating on the air.
The second photograph is called "Children's Puppet Theatre, Paris 1963" and because of the title I noticed that the subjects are watching a puppet show. There are bunch of kids, mainly only their heads are shown in the photograph. The girls on the right side seem to be astonished by the show. The kids on the left are more emotional because a boy is covering his ears with hands and two children are screaming with their mouths wide open. It seems like the spot is very noisy and chaotic like a marketplace. And they genuinely seem to be immersed in the show.
Both photos captured children focusing on something in some place. The "Village School" is consisted of only boys while the other shows both boys and girls. Having only boys makes it seem like they are a sort of an army. Also, by only lighting their faces, the photo focuses more on the emotions of the children. On the contrary, the light of the "Children's Puppet Theatre" doesn't focus on one particular thing, so it seems to highlight various subjects. Therefore, the latter seems more lively and natural.
The two photographs have children, the most honest subjects, as the main center of interest. Because they are very young, the emotions seem more honest, real and powerful to the viewers. These photos make the viewer wonder what the kids are looking at. We are swished through the photographs and encouraged to imagine what is going on in the photos.
1. What I like about this piece of writing is ' I noticed that the subjects are watching a puppet show.'It reminds me of the topic of the picture one more time.
ReplyDelete2. Your main point seems to be 'The children are common subjects in the two photographs but display very different emotions and moods.'
3. 'It seems like the spot is very noisy and chaotic like a marketplace.' struck me as powerful. I didn't assume the place where the puppet show was held before.
4.'they demonstrate genuine feelings' isn't clear to me. It would be better to use the word 'express' instead of demonstrate.
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is to change some words into more familar or easy words.
To Jisu Song From Hannah Bae
ReplyDelete1. What I like about this piece of writing is the introduction. The hook drew my attention and the way you introduce two pictures was great.
2. Your main point seems to be 'The children are common subjects in the two photographs but display very different emotions and moods.'
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful:
so it seems like the children's heads are floating on the air.
-It explains a lot about the picture. When I saw the picture, I felt the exact same thing.
4. Some things aren’t clear to me. These lines or parts could be improved (meaning not clear, supporting points missing, order seems mixed up, writing not lively):
The two photographs have children, the most honest subjects, as the main center of interest. Because they are very young, the emotions seem more honest, real and powerful to the viewers.
I think these two sentences are saying exactly the same thing, don't you think so? Clarify the meaning and divide the two sentences, please.
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is variety. It feels like you are repeating what you said again and again. I know you wanted to tell the children is most honest subject when expressing their feelings. Maybe you can use another expressions or make your own short examples.