Photographs capture the moment. The captured moment tells us detail things we might have missed. It shows that people in the photograph had what the atmosphere was like at the moment, or the situations. The two photographs, the "Village School" and the "Children's Puppet Theatre" are good examples. Looking at these photographs, we can get a lot of information.
In the "Village School", the boys are sitting in a room. They are all sitting still may be waiting for their teacher. Every boy is sharing a desk with another boy except few of them. There nothing on the desk, even a single pencil. There are some spaces between boys which makes strict atmosphere. The boys are not looking at each other. Instead, they are looking the front of the room. Some of boys are looking at the photographer and some are looking the left side of the photographer. Among the boys looking at the photographer, one in the front line captures our eyesight most. The room is quite dark and all the boys are wearing dark cloths as well. But one of the boys in the second line is wearing bright colored clothes which make him noticeable.
In the "Children's Puppet Theatre", bunch of boys and girls are looking at the puppet show. The photograph is very bright in sunlight and because of this the photograph shows us every detail of the children. Some are shouting in the joy, some looks surprised, and some are blocking their ears because of loud noise. They are wearing different kinds of clothes. They vary in colour and style. The boy on the left is wearing a jacket and a hat. And the kids on the right are wearing similar clothes as if they are twins. Among these children, the boy who is shouting with the hand pointing the sky stands out the most. May be he is standing on something and that makes him taller and outstanding than other children. The children who are back of the lines are not clearly seen. Their faces are blurry and children who are standing far back are only seen in shapes.
Although these two pictures are capturing the moments of the children, they are not at all similar. For the "Village school", there are only boys in the room and it is very dark in there. They seem to be worried at something and they look uncomfortable and anxious. They are strictly seated in line, very regularly. However, for the "Children's Puppet Theatre", there are both boys and girls in the outdoor theatre and it is very bright in sunlight. They seem to be amused and some are shouting in joy, some looks curious about what is happening. They are irregularly standing in the front of the theatre. They are all gathered and one boy is jumping or standing on something to have closer look at the puppets.
Comparing these descriptions about two photographs above, we can notice that these photographs are very different in many ways; they have different colours, emotions, or situation. Every photograph is different even if they are dealing with same thing and for these it is children. They both captured the moment of the children but the result is completely different.
Peer Feedback Sheet
ReplyDeleteTo Hyejeong Yu From Chaemin Im
1. What I like about this piece of writing is that your 3rd body paragraph. You summarized well the similarities and differences between two photographs.
2. Your main point seems to be that every photograph is different even if they are dealing with same thing but the feeling is different. However, in your introduction, the thesis doesn't look like I said.
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful:
In the second paragraph,
" the kids on the right are wearing similar clothes as if they are twins"
- I didn't see the point you mentioned. I am surprised at your observation. I think you detailedly described the photographs.
4. Some things aren’t clear to me. These lines or parts could be improved (meaning not clear, supporting points missing, order seems mixed up, writing not lively):
In the conclusion, they have different colours.
-> Both photographs are black and white, why did you mentioned it?
I guess it means kind of a mood of photo.
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is
- I think that your hook is quite general, so if you take care of it, your writing will be better!